Shutting your heart down—even for the best of reasons—does not actually punish the other person. And it is causing you physical harm.
Today is my last blog here! Please follow my new blog at LoveYourWaySlim.com to keep reading. Thank you for all your support here at Goss Coaching. I so appreciate each of your fabulous readers. Blessings to you!
I’ve had encounters with two big stories from my past this weekend.
While I am thrilled at how my response has changed to these old experiences, my emotions have still been up and down. Frankly I’m feeling a little vulnerable.
Do you see that as a weakness?
I don’t. Surrendering to how things are unfolding, allowing myself to be vulnerable, fully feeling and acknowledging where I am, being extra committed to my self-care, and trusting that everything is always working out for me feels like the best way I can move through this experience AND stay connected to the foundation of love that only comes from my Higher Self.
Feeling—and exposing—this vulnerability reminded me of a TEDxHouston presentation by Brene’ Brown, who studies the human connection—our ability to empathize, belong, and love.
In this poignant, funny talk, Brown shares a deep insight from her research that expanded her personal perception and changed the way she lives, loves, works, and parents.
According to Brown’s research, connection is why we’re here. Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be fully and truly seen. We have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
She says this is the most important thing she has learned in a decade of doing research. Vulnerability is opening ourselves up to shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness, but it is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love.
And it is shame that is at the root of being unwilling to be vulnerable. Research defines shame as “the fear of disconnection.” It is that feeling that there is something about you and if other people see it, they won’t love and accept you.
The feeling of vulnerability is so painful, that people do everything they can to “numb” themselves.
Brown believes this is one reason we are the “most in debt, most obese, most addicted, and most medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.”
The problem is you cannot selectively numb emotion. If you numb fear, embarrassment, and shame then you also numb joy, gratitude, and happiness. That sets up a cycle where you just keep reaching for another doughnut.
When Brown interviewed what she termed “Whole-Hearted” people who were willing to be vulnerable, the common denominator was a sense of worthiness. Those people had a strong sense of being worthy of love and belonging.
What it all boils down to is believing you are worthy.
Other elements that “Whole-Hearted” people had in common were a sense of courage, meaning they tell the story of Who they are with their whole heart. They have the courage to be imperfect. They are willing to let go of who they should be and be Who they truly are. They fully embrace vulnerability, believing that’s what makes them beautiful.
And they have the compassion to be kind to themselves first. Brown notes that you cannot act with compassion towards others if don’t have compassion for yourself.
The great news is that I am proof that a belief in worthiness can be learned. You don’t have to be born with it. You don’t have to have a tribe of close relatives and flawless family relationships. You can grow up excruciatingly insecure, suffer through years of depression and anxiety, and be perpetually aware of your flaws and imperfections—and still come to realize that you are worthy of love and belonging.
For me, that sense of worthiness comes from my connection with All-That-Is (God, the Universe, Source Energy, Higher Coach—whatever works for you.) Somehow I “got” that no matter what I do, say, or how I show up in this life, or who else loves or doesn’t love me, I am loved beyond my ability to comprehend love.
And so are you!
So my message today is simple. You are loved. You are adored. You belong. No matter what, you are worthy.
What can you do today to show up as more of Who you really are? How does being honest about who you are—the good, the bad, and the ugly—help you connect with others? How does feeling worthy change how you want to care for your body—and yourself?
Together we can do it!
Tomorrow is my last blog here! To keep receiving my posts, follow my new blog, at LoveYourWaySlim.com. Thank you for all your support here at Goss Coaching. I so appreciate each of your fabulous readers. Blessings to you!
That amazing feeling of being in love with life continues way longer than your workout. It boosts energy and positive feeling all day.
Tomorrow is my last blog here! To keep receiving my posts, follow my new blog, at LoveYourWaySlim.com. Thank you for all your support here at Goss Coaching. I so appreciate each of your fabulous readers. Blessings to you!
I received an email this morning that is dredging up painful memories of the past. My emotional response has ranged from despair to rage to spite to grief.
And I am grateful for those emotions.
Just because emotions are unpleasant doesn’t make them “bad.” In fact, experiencing the full range of emotions is part of being fully alive.
So I allowed myself to feel them. I punched a pillow and railed. I wept in my husband’s arms.
You cannot fully feel joy if you do not allow yourself to fully feel grief. How can you know love if you have never felt hate?
Many women strive to keep themselves emotionally numb out of fear of feeling “negative” emotions, and in do so you unknowingly keep yourself stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle.
You may have been taught that your emotions are a liability and not an asset. You might be tempted to think you’re being over-emotional.
You may eat your emotions or stuff them back down. This just creates internal blocks that literally weigh you down.
So I railed, wept, and released.
And I feel cleansed. I feel clarity. And I am more determined than ever.
I can stay stuck in the past, OR I can move forward in alignment with my core values and spiritual beliefs. I can choose a different response.
My focus is my decision.
I could totally use this experience as an excuse to stay in victim energy. My sharing it would generate sympathy, and I’m sure I could get many of your fabulous readers on my side.
But that does not serve me.
No matter how significant the negative event, it is still your choice to focus on it—or not.
This was brought home to me a number of years ago during a conversation with a friend whose husband died unexpectedly while they were getting ready for work. He literally died in her arms.
Not long after, I asked how she was doing. Her response, “I’m having a few bad moments in otherwise good days.”
That struck me not only in the heart, but in the head. If she wasn’t allowing the sudden and traumatic death of her husband to bring her down, than what excuse did I have for responding badly to anything going on in my life?
This is even more powerful when you decide not to judge the painful experiences as “bad.” Pain is an important and valuable part of life. Experiencing it is a part of being fully human.
So today, I have had a few painful moments as part of my glorious day. I decide to fully embrace ALL of my emotions and experiences as valuable in my life. I decide not to use this as an excuse to wallow in self-pity, but to use this as a reason to continue the charge to fully be the best possible version of me.
I totally and completely love and accept myself and all the emotions that I feel. I embrace the valuable emotional guidance I am receiving.
Being at your optimal weight and experiencing wellness and well-being doesn’t mean that you will never experience challenges. It means that you are empowered in how you respond to those challenges. It means is that you see those situations differently and choose your responses rather than just reacting.
And that makes all the difference in the world.
What can you do to begin to acknowledge your feelings, rather than stuffing them back down?
When you stop fighting experiences and judging them as “bad,” and instead open your eyes and hearts to the gifts that are in every moment, you finally begin to receive those gifts.
As Jerry Hicks used to say, “Everything is always working out for me.” No matter what, no matter who, no matter where, Source (God, the Universe, All That Is, Higher coach—whatever works for you) is always on our side providing the experiences that are unfolding perfectly for my—and your—growth.
No matter what you are facing today, it is up to you to take this moment and consciously choose your focus and decide how you want to feel. You can endure it, let it crush you, or decide to thrive.
The experience will not change, but you change your experience of it.
Today, I decide to thrive.
What is your decision?
Together we can do it!
Today is the last day to join the Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program!
What would it be worth to you to create a body and lifestyle you love? To successfully get to—and easily maintain—your optimal weight? To enjoy eating all the foods you love, and be healthier and more vibrant than ever before?
What would it feel like to wake up knowing you are at your physical and emotional best? To know your body is fit and capable of taking on every goal you’ve set for yourself? To be tapped into Universal forces so that your fitness and overall wellness feels guaranteed?
What would it mean to have the solid support from a dedicated partner who will stand by you no matter what?
How many years of pain, struggle, and wasted money would it cut off if you learned from someone who has walked the path before you, and is dedicated to your success?
This is exactly what the Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program will offer you (and much more!)
This unique program transforms your mindset, integrates your core values and spiritual beliefs, provides exceptional support, and hones in on the most powerful actions you can take to make releasing the weight not only easy and satisfying—but fun! (Yes, it really is possible!)
Today is the last day! The Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program won’t open again until January 2014!
Be in charge of your happiness. Making choices that are best for you will enable others to make the best choices for them.
My last blog here will be Tuesday! To keep receiving my posts, follow my new blog, at LoveYourWaySlim.com. Thank you for all your support here at Goss Coaching. I so appreciate each of your fabulous readers. Blessings to you!
“I have to have a perfect body, or I won’t be beautiful.”
“I have to diet and exercise perfectly, or I’ve blown it.”
“I have to be perfect, or people won’t love me or I won’t’ be a success.”
Feeling like you have to be and do things perfectly or you are a “failure” is a common attribute of the women with whom I work.
Perfection is an expectation that can never be met. The stress of trying to fulfill this unmeetable expectation can be a serious blow to your wellness—and weight loss efforts.
If you think about it, life would actually get pretty boring if you were perfect.
You would never learn anything, get to challenge yourself or grow. It would be as if everything in the world were yellow. And while you may love yellow, you appreciate it so much more if there’s a little blue, pink, or green thrown in for some contrast.
Your body is your body. Its curves and shape are uniquely you. Its size and contours are different from everyone else on the planet. It is that uniqueness that makes you beautiful, not your conformity.
What is optimal for your body will be different from everyone else. While using another’s body to inspire you to meet your goals can be a useful tool, if you are comparing your body and finding fault or reason to criticize yourself, you are actually doing harm to you, your body, and are unknowingly sabotaging your weight-loss goals.
Seeing where you aren’t perfect is an opportunity.
Engaging in the process of figuring out what you do want, what you are doing right, determining what is optimal for you, and valuing how you are unique will help you harness the powers of the Universe to work for you, rather than keep you stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle.
This is how you begin to sculpt and create the body—and life—you want. You reach for the body and life that is uniquely you.
This is where the fun is! This is having a life that is vibrant and fulfilling.
Let go of the need to be perfect. Let go of feeling like you should already be at your goal. Just jump in exactly where you are.
What is optimal for you? Who are you when you are at your optimal weight and are experiencing optimal wellness? How will that help you be more uniquely you?
Move towards that. Engage in that. Have fun doing that.
This is life! This is thriving! This is creating the body—and life—you really want.
Together we can do it!
Join the the Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program today!
This unique program transforms your mindset, integrates your core values and spiritual beliefs, provides exceptional support, and hones in on the most powerful actions you can take to make releasing the weight not only easy and satisfying—but fun! (Yes, it really is possible!)
Program closes Saturday. It won’t open again until January 2014!
http://loveyourwayslim.com/coaching-program/
Perfection isn’t the goal. There is no fun in perfect, no growth, no opportunity to overcome and persevere. Instead, be uniquely you!
My blog is moving! To keep following my posts after January 15, follow my new blog, at LoveYourWaySlim.com. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!
“I don’t like vegetables.”
A client said this to me the other day.
I have found that this is a pretty common sentiment among women who have struggled with their weight. You may have a lifetime of evidence that most vegetables are, “Blagh.”
When you go on a diet or try to eat healthier, you may take vegetables like medicine, forcing yourself to eat them. Meal times become something to endure rather to savor. At the very least, those meals are notsoul-satisfying.
And here you are trying to fulfill your resolution to lose weight in January—what many feel is the peak of the winter-vegetable doldrums.
Is it any wonder that so many resolutions fail?
What if you are dealing with a limiting belief? What if you could shift your perspective about vegetables just enough that you could see a path around this obstacle to create the radiantly healthy body you want?
One way to do this is to think about how you could make eating vegetables fun.
This might look like:
What if you could prove to yourself that you actually do enjoy vegetables in some form or fashion? Maybe even love some of them? How might that alter your success at releasing the weight–for good?
How often do we limit ourselves because of an opinion, judgment, thought, idea, or past experience that we just assume is absolutely and completely True?
For instance, how many of you have ever heard, “You have to clean your plate because there are starving children somewhere in the world?”
Do you think that’s a limiting belief?
How true is it that your cleaning your plate is going to benefit any of those starving children?
How can that belief actually be harmful to you?
A lot of times, helping people see the flaws in their thinking is enough to help them move beyond it. But changing a long-standing belief system can impact underlying values.
If you’re upset by the idea of not cleaning your plate, what are the values you have that may be being challenged?
Whenever you notice a thought that is holding you back in any way, ask yourself if that thought is still true. Unless it is a Universal Truth—a thought that is true no matter what, no matter who, and no matter when—what is it that you need to do to shift it?
All it takes is challenging those limiting beliefs just enough so that doors open, paths unfold, obstacles disappear, and the solutions become clear.
A new thought truly creates a new you.
Together we can do it!
Join the the Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program today!
This unique program transforms your mindset, integrates your core values and spiritual beliefs, provides exceptional support, and hones in on the most powerful actions you can take to make releasing the weight not only easy and satisfying—but fun! (Yes, it really is possible!)
Program closes Saturday. It won’t open again until January 2014!
Release thoughts about who you have been that are not helping you create the body you want. Seek new thoughts, beliefs, and solutions.
My blog is moving! To keep following my posts after January 15, follow my new blog, at LoveYourWaySlim.com. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!
How are those New Year’s Resolutions to lose weight coming? Are you still plugging away? Can you feel them starting to waiver? Or have they been put aside to show up on next year’s list?
One of the things that can cause people to pass on meeting their wellness goals is the overwhelming feeling that can come from trying to go from holiday-treat-eating coach-potato to food-measuring athlete all at once.
There really is no rule that says you have to change all of your behaviors at once to succeed.
I didn’t.
Four years ago, for various reasons I went from a runner to a walker to not doing any exercise at all. During that period of inactivity, I didn’t curb my eating and pretty quickly reached my heaviest weightever.
I found myself starting over with exercise and losing weight—again. And it did NOT feel good.
While I hated where I was, I just couldn’t seem to find the energy to get out of bed and move.
So what changed? How did I get going?
I first started mentally preparing.
These mental preparations did include mentally visualizing me moving my body, but most importantly,they were a conscious effort to change my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
You see, I was spending a whole lot of my mental energy feeling like a failure.
Here I was in this place of starting over—again! I knew how to diet and exercise, yet, I had failed. Surly this meant I was a weak person, or a slacker, or was somehow inherently flawed.
Those beliefs were not getting me anywhere. In fact, they were keeping me stuck in the spiral of shame and self-loathing that I thought losing weight would fix. But that very shame and self-loathing made it nearly impossible to force-start a new diet and exercise program.
And I was struggling with thoughts and beliefs about how hard working out was going to be, and how much hunger and deprivation I was going to have to endure. I was dreading it. These kinds of thoughts were NOT conducive to starting a successful diet and exercise program.
It was important to take the time to mentally prepare for where I wanted to go.
Action is great, but if you don’t have your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs aligned behind it, it’s not going to create sustainable results.
Part of that mental preparation was gently letting go of the idea that I was somehow a failure. Was I really? I did know what to do. In fact, I was so mentally disciplined that numerous times I had forcedmyself to push past a wall of negative energy to Make Things Happen.
What mattered was my belief in myself. What mattered was that I knew Who I was and what I could accomplish.
Changing those underlying thoughts brought a sense of relief that was enough to begin to shift the momentum of energy in my favor.
Another part of my mental preparation was to think about all the reasons I did want to be slim, fit, and healthy. To imagine how good that would feel.
I took my reasons a lot deeper than just looking good in a pair of jeans. I wanted to fully live a vibrantand fulfilling life. A part of me felt like I wasn’t living up to my full potential. I wasn’t consistently showing up in relationships as the person I wanted to be. I wasn’t accomplishing everything I wanted to accomplish. I wasn’t showing up in my life as who I knew I intended.
Having physical health, energy, and stamina was critical to be able to step out as the Me I truly wanted to be.
And the final piece of mental preparation?
I reached out for support. Having someone there to confirm that I wasn’t a failure or a slacker, and to tell me that they “knew I could do it” was what tipped the energetic scale enough that I was able to get out of bed on that chilly morning and move!
But that movement would have been a joke to some people. What I considered a huge success was just 10 minutes of any kind of physical movement. Seriously, I counted everything! Counting and celebrating each tiny sign of success continued to build the energetic momentum towards achieving my goals.
And it wasn’t until I was consistently meeting my physical goals that I started thinking about the slow and steady changes I could make with my eating.
The daily mental preparation continued to be critical to my achieving my success. It was the wind that helped me get airborne and support me as I flew.
It was—and continues to be—the critical factor in how I have easily maintained a size 6 now for the past several years.
Yes, it took me a year to lose 34 pounds and get back into great shape. So what?
At the end of that year I was a lot happier having slowly and steadily made those small decisions towards a healthier lifestyle than to try to do too much at once and give up, only to be faced with the same goal and results a year later.
And now several years later, I can tell you taking it slow and steady was totally worth it!
It was that slow and steady, inside out approach that led to sustainable results.
What small mental shift can you make today that will move you towards a healthier lifestyle? Do that for a week and then look for another tiny step to make. Do that consistently and you will build momentum and achieve your goals.
Do that consistently and next January 1 you will be celebrating your success rather than being faced with the disheartening decision to put Losing Weight on your list of New Year’s Resolutions—again.
Together we can do it!
Join the the Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program today!
This unique program transforms your mindset, integrates your core values and spiritual beliefs, provides exceptional support, and hones in on the most powerful actions you can take to make releasing the weight not only easy and satisfying—but fun! (Yes, it really is possible!)
Program closes January 12, 2013. It won’t reopen until January 2014!
Goss Coaching 