Monthly Archives: July 2012

What Do You Need?

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My body is letting me know that it needs gentleness rather than intensity.

This is not my practiced inclination.

But when I don’t listen to the subtle guidance I receive, it becomes much more obvious. Pain is pretty good at getting my attention.

So for the past several weeks I’ve been moving my body gently—stretching, Tai Chi. I’m more focused on loving my body than testing it.

Lately, I’ve heard many people talking about being more sensitive than usual, and I’ve heard many explanations why.

What I know for me is that this is a time for observation, contemplation, renewal, and listening. It is a time to soothe my overstimulated nervous system, and to give myself the necessary peace to revitalize.

I have to resist the temptation to yield to any sense of urgency. My muscles are not atrophying. My weight is not rebounding. My health is not deteriorating.

In fact, I have the opportunity to create a new workout and wellness program, and to get to know my body in a new way. I am choosing to see any frustration I am experiencing as the desire to learn more, expand more, dare more, and create more.

Contemplation is a part of creation. I have time to consider my options. To listen to my body and determine the direction that feels right to me now. To gather all the information I may need to start out on a new course.

Sometimes, the best action is to be quiet and listen.

Giving myself time to recover and figure out a new path is not familiar ground. In the past, my exercise switch had only two settings—off and on. Either I was working out at full intensity or I wasn’t working out at all.

So here is something in between.

I’m aware of the fear that I will lose all the fitness progress I have recently made, and I’m reminding myself that my fitness will never be “done.” My fitness—and wellness—are always in the process of becoming. There is always room for growth and improvement.

And I’m not the same person I used to be. Moving my body—even gently—feels better than not moving at all. I’m more connected to my Higher Self and more in-tune with the guidance I am receiving.

This place of rest and recovery is temporary. It is just where I am right now. There will be a time to push and progress, and I will know when it is time to pick up the pace.

I’m curious, has anyone else felt that this is a time to rest and renew? Or are you feeling invigorated and resilient? What choices are you making? What’s working best for you?

Together we can do it!

Photo by www.freedigitalphotos.net

How’s That Working Out for You?

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“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”

Albert Einstein

What if the entire Universe is conspiring on your behalf?

What if you have tribes of Universal cheerleaders supporting you in every conceivable way?

What if no matter what may be happening in your life right now, everything is playing in your favor?

If you fully accepted that this is a friendly Universe, would you give up a little control? If you knew everything was working out for you, would you relax and let go of fear? Would you allow yourself to have more fun? Would you be open to taking more risks?

If you believe that this is a hostile Universe, letting go of control can be one of the scariest things you can do. It’s like putting yourself at the mercy of the enemy.

I know because I used to believe the Universe was out to get me.

I couldn’t get a break. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was a victim to people and situations.

It wasn’t until I began giving up control, surrendering, and trusting my well-being that I began to fully experience it.

It’s one of those dichotomy’s of life:

  • You have to give up control to gain it.
  • You have to feel appreciated to be able to receive the appreciation of another.
  • You have to feel beautiful before you can hear and believe the compliments you are given.

Whatever you believe—the Universe will provide you evidence of that belief.

Open your mind and look for all the reasons everything is working out for you instead of all the reasons it isn’t.

Make lists of the things that are falling into place. Relax and play more. Practice accepting that this is just where you are in the journey. Expect a different outcome. Have a little faith.

As Abraham-Hicks says, “a belief is just a thought you keep thinking.” Little-by-little, step-by-step, practice believing that this is a friendly Universe.

And then enjoy the evidence of that belief.

Together we can do it!

Here’s a related blog by Terri Cole on the fear of joy. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terri-cole/fear-of-joy_b_1703103.html

Go from Grumbling to Gratitude

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Do you ever catch yourself grumbling or complaining about what someone else did or didn’t do?

By comparison, how much time do you spend thinking about all the wonderful qualities that person has, and how much they add to your life?

What focus do you have more consistently?

What would happen if you spent more time looking at them through a positive lens? How would it make you feel to spend as little as a minute every day feeling grateful for that person?

That might look like appreciating their wonderful qualities, or the things they did that were helpful, or why they are in your life, or their general and inherent value as a person on this planet. (And they have inherent value, I promise.)

Just one minute a day.

How might even that small shift in focus alter how you feel? How might it impact how you show up in the relationship? How might that shift change the dynamics of the relationship for the better?

No one else is with you in your mind. No one is forcing you to think or feel anything. If you are holding on to frustrations and irritations it is because you have your mental fist grasped tightly around thoughts of their infractions, weakness, or imperfections.

And it is because you are judging them as weak, imperfect, and full of fault. Who made you creator of the rules? Why is it that everyone else must cater to your expectations? How do you like trying to fulfill other people’s expectations and beliefs about the “right” way to do anything?

The solution is to begin to allow those things that frustrate and irritate you to run through your mind like water running through your fingers.

Just let them go.

As soon as you do, you feel lighter emotionally. You feel relief. And that new lightness is directly impacting your wellness down to your cellular level. As you let go of that stress and the negative emotions, it is you that receives the benefit—body, mind, and spirit.

Is it worth your health to let go of old anger, frustrations, and resentments that are not only hurting you, but are actually keeping you for the life and relationships you want? Is your happiness worth it? Are your relationships worth it?

Just let it go.

Do it because you are worth it, because love is worth it, because joy is worth it.

Together we can do it!

Photo by http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Just Because It’s Righteous Doesn’t Mean It’s Right

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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Buddha

When someone does not live up to our “rules,” we feel justified in judging them as unworthy of our love. Withholding love—or out-and-out punishment—is a very common reaction when we think people are not living up to the standards we believe to be the “right” ones.

But shutting our hearts down—even for the best of reasons—does not actually punish the other person as we think it does—and it is far more detrimental to us.

The catabolic reactions are felt in our bodies, not theirs. These are the draining and destructive body processes—such as the release of stress hormones—that actually eat away at our cells.

This is why practicing forgiveness and unconditional love is so powerful. By allowing ourselves to give love—no matter what—we are providing ourselves with constructive, anabolic energy that actually heals us from the inside out.

Withholding love is something we learned—it is not our natural way of being. Look at the love and joy that flows through little children. But almost from day one, we begin giving children the lesson that if they behave in a certain way, they will make us happy and we will then love them. It doesn’t take long for children to learn that control is a part of love.

Begin to notice when you are shutting your heart down in judgment. Pay attention to how uncomfortable that feels. Recognize that it’s up to you to change your reaction—it is not up to the other person to change their behavior—even if you believe them to be “wrong.”

Where people often get stuck is feeling like loving someone anyway is the same as condoning that awful behavior. This is where it is helpful to remember that the Universe (God, Higher Power, All-That-Is–whatever works for you), is involved in that other person’s life, too, and that each of you is receiving guidance. Your job is to pay attention to your reactions and move towards the bigger part of you. Your guidance will always lead you to the best outcome for you. As soon as you begin trying to control another, you lose your true power.

Where in your life are you withholding love? What can you do today to open that door in your heart just a little bit? Notice how much better that feels.

Together we can do it!

10 Ways to Improve Your Day

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While I’m in Charleston, South Carolina, this week participating in and presenting a couple of workshops, I thought I would share a few of my favorite blogs.

This one is from the fabulous Kristin Barton Cuthriell.

  • Smile at everyone you meet.
  • Write down at least two things that you are grateful for today.
  • Do something physical. (Get rid of the excuses. My friend who works out regularly will be running three miles, while my aunt who has had a stroke, will be sitting in a chair doing her foot exercises. One is not more difficult than the other. They both will be pushing themselves appropriately. What can you do?)
  • Drink plenty of water.
  • Do something nice for someone else. (This does not have to be time-consuming. Sometimes it does not take a whole lot of effort to improve someone else’s day.)
  • Plan something that you will look forward to doing. (An evening walk, a dinner out, a vacation.)
  • Set and accomplish a goal. (Yes, accomplishing this list definitely counts.)
  • When you become upset or frustrated, remember that whatever it is that is bothering you may not matter next year, next month, or even tomorrow.
  • Pray
  • Take at least fifteen minutes to do something that you find relaxing. (Observing nature, talking a walk, meditating, taking a warm bath, listening to music….)

Let go of bitterness today and let life in.

Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW

Kristin is a licensed psychotherapist and educator currently working in private practice, counseling individuals, couples, and families. She utilizes a hope based cognitive behavior approach to therapy and other empirically validated treatments to help individuals suffering from depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and difficult life transitions. Prior to entering the mental health field, Kristin spent a decade teaching first, third, and sixth grades. She received a BA in Education from Virginia Tech and went on to earn her Master’s in Education and her Master’s in Social Work. Kristin also enjoys speaking and writing and is currently working on a book designed to help people live more fulfilling lives.

You can read her blog at http://letlifeinpractices.com/