Love Is Good for Your Health

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If you will release all concern about how others feel about you, and focus only upon how you feel about them, you will unearth your core understanding of who-you-really-are, and you will discover what true freedom really is.

Abraham-Hicks

May I share something deeply personal with you?

I’ve been processing a lot of intense emotions the past couple of days. My intention with sharing this part of my story is that it may benefit you on some level. Maybe it will let you know that you are not alone, or that moving through and gaining a different perspective on challenging life experiences is possible. May you find this beneficial in some way.

Last month, I wrote about my father, who died over Thanksgiving weekend.

I had not had any connection with him since I was 15. He was emotionally and physically abusive, and I doubt that many people had any idea of the pain being inflicted on me, my mother, and brothers behind closed doors. It took him almost killing my mother one night for us to find the courage to leave him.

Over the years, I had put a lot of intention around consciously forgiving him, and even came to feel strongly that there was nothing to forgive.

While it was the absolute best decision I could have made to protect myself from any future physical and emotional harm that might have come from having direct contact with him, not forgiving him only hurt me.

Looking back at his upbringing, I had come to understand how he had been broken as a child, and how that had led to his actions with us. I had come to value my childhood experiences as key to who I am today, and to celebrate the different choices and patterns I have been able to make in my life. Where he could not break the cycle of pain, my brothers and I had.

And I thought I had opened my heart to him. When I received news of his death, I felt peace. It felt like the last little bit of my with-holding love relaxed as I envisioned my father on the other side experiencing the pure positive love of All-That-Is.

It was interesting on Friday to have an exchange with someone present in his life with a very different experience of my father. While I felt I listened to and even celebrated their positive memories, I felt saddened about missing out on the father I could have had. While I gave the briefest description of the man we knew, I didn’t dwell on it. I thought we ended the conversation on good terms and I felt positive about having reached out.

On Saturday, I awoke to an email that I am sure the writer did not intend to impact me the way it did. What was written was that my experience challenged their memories and they did not want to have any dealings with them. I felt they dismissed my experiences by saying it had happened in the “short” time I knew him, and it felt like they challenged my integrity and those I am closest to. It brought up old feelings of abandonment, and beliefs about my father not ever loving me.

While I had come to understand that no man is all of one thing—there is “good” and “bad” in everyone—what came up for me was the need to “justify” my father’s horrid behavior. That old victim energy bubbled up. We were the wronged ones, damn it. How dare they say our pain was not real or justified? I felt the need to defend my victim status.

But did I really want to dig my heels in around these challenging experiences? Did I really want to grab hold of them and grip them tight as my “story?” Was this not an opportunity to clean up old energy that had been hiding out under the rug?

I let myself feel these intense emotions with the intention of shifting my perspective.

There was a lot of relief in allowing myself to grieve and rail and condemn. But I was also revisiting some very dark spaces. Part of me was afraid I might get stuck there in that painful place.

But I am no longer the same person I was. I have too much experience moving through my shadow spaces. Not shining the light on them and recognizing that there is dirt there that needs to be cleaned is what prolongs pain.

So I reached out for support to my husband, friends, and family. I leaned into the emotions that were coming up, and recognized that the pain I was feeling was guidance from my Higher Self letting me know I was not thinking about this situation correctly.

Source only sees with the eyes of love. The pain I was feeling was because I was shutting that love off pretty darn effectively.

I began to remind myself of what this situation and my father had looked like through the lens of love I had donned earlier. I tried to look through the lens of love that this other person had for him.

About 3 a.m. this morning, the dog woke me up, and these thoughts flooded back into my consciousness. I began to envision a magnificent room in my heart and someone coming in and pulling the curtains back so that sunlight streamed in. Part of me wanted to hide under the covers and wail and bemoan the nightmare I had experienced. But this loving and kind helper told me it was just that, a nightmare. It would stop as soon as I opened my eyes and got up.

And so I did. In my mind, I walked through these magnificent rooms that were dusty from disuse. I could see some piles of dirt in places. So I pulled out a rag that was soaked in a cleaning solution that was pure positive love. And I began to clean and polish.

As I worked, positive memories of my father returned. I had been putting so much attention on the negative haunts that I had forgotten that there had been any good or fun times. I began to remember again that no man is all dark or all light. We each have some of each within us. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves and adores the man that was my father.

I could feel my energy shift.

There may be more for me to clean up, but I no longer feel the need to defend the awful memories I have. I have loosened my grip on them. They are no longer part of my current reality. The only one bringing them forward as relevant is me. I can allow the memories of those who loved him to remain intact, and not feel that I am somehow belittled by doing so.

If God loves my father, than that’s what I want to do, too.

When I got up this morning, I felt lighter and restabilized. I felt reconnected to the love of All-That-Is. I remembered my own well-being, which will add to my ultimate wellness.

I did not find the love in my heart for my father. I choose love because it was me that was suffering. It was me who had the key to the prison I created. Aligning with the love of All-That-Is sets me free.

It will set you free, too.

Together we can do it!

banner4This is it! This is my last blog post here! Please follow my new blog at LoveYourWaySlim.com to keep reading. Thank you for all your support here at Goss Coaching. I so appreciate each of you fabulous readers. Much love and blessings to you!

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You Are Worthy of Optimal Wellness

Control Change

I’ve had encounters with two big stories from my past this weekend.

While I am thrilled at how my response has changed to these old experiences, my emotions have still been up and down. Frankly I’m feeling a little vulnerable.

Do you see that as a weakness?

I don’t. Surrendering to how things are unfolding, allowing myself to be vulnerable, fully feeling and acknowledging where I am, being extra committed to my self-care, and trusting that everything is always working out for me feels like the best way I can move through this experience AND stay connected to the foundation of love that only comes from my Higher Self.

Feeling—and exposing—this vulnerability reminded me of a TEDxHouston presentation by Brene’ Brown, who studies the human connection—our ability to empathize, belong, and love.

In this poignant, funny talk, Brown shares a deep insight from her research that expanded her personal perception and changed the way she lives, loves, works, and parents.

According to Brown’s research, connection is why we’re here. Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be fully and truly seen. We have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

She says this is the most important thing she has learned in a decade of doing research. Vulnerability is opening ourselves up to shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness, but it is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love.

And it is shame that is at the root of being unwilling to be vulnerable. Research defines shame as “the fear of disconnection.” It is that feeling that there is something about you and if other people see it, they won’t love and accept you.

The feeling of vulnerability is so painful, that people do everything they can to “numb” themselves.

Brown believes this is one reason we are the “most in debt, most obese, most addicted, and most medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.”

The problem is you cannot selectively numb emotion. If you numb fear, embarrassment, and shame then you also numb joy, gratitude, and happiness. That sets up a cycle where you just keep reaching for another doughnut.

When Brown interviewed what she termed “Whole-Hearted” people who were willing to be vulnerable, the common denominator was a sense of worthiness. Those people had a strong sense of being worthy of love and belonging.

What it all boils down to is believing you are worthy.

Other elements that “Whole-Hearted” people had in common were a sense of courage, meaning they tell the story of Who they are with their whole heart. They have the courage to be imperfect. They are willing to let go of who they should be and be Who they truly are. They fully embrace vulnerability, believing that’s what makes them beautiful.

And they have the compassion to be kind to themselves first. Brown notes that you cannot act with compassion towards others if don’t have compassion for yourself.

The great news is that I am proof that a belief in worthiness can be learned. You don’t have to be born with it. You don’t have to have a tribe of close relatives and flawless family relationships. You can grow up excruciatingly insecure, suffer through years of depression and anxiety, and be perpetually aware of your flaws and imperfections—and still come to realize that you are worthy of love and belonging.

For me, that sense of worthiness comes from my connection with All-That-Is (God, the Universe, Source Energy, Higher Coach—whatever works for you.) Somehow I “got” that no matter what I do, say, or how I show up in this life, or who else loves or doesn’t love me, I am loved beyond my ability to comprehend love.

And so are you!

So my message today is simple. You are loved. You are adored. You belong. No matter what, you are worthy.

What can you do today to show up as more of Who you really are? How does being honest about who you are—the good, the bad, and the ugly—help you connect with others? How does feeling worthy change how you want to care for your body—and yourself?

Together we can do it!

Tomorrow is my last blog here! To keep receiving my posts, follow my new blog, at LoveYourWaySlim.com. Thank you for all your support here at Goss Coaching. I so appreciate each of your fabulous readers. Blessings to you!

Take Charge of Your Wellness

rain and flowerI received an email this morning that is dredging up painful memories of the past. My emotional response has ranged from despair to rage to spite to grief.

And I am grateful for those emotions.

Just because emotions are unpleasant doesn’t make them “bad.” In fact, experiencing the full range of emotions is part of being fully alive.

So I allowed myself to feel them. I punched a pillow and railed. I wept in my husband’s arms.

You cannot fully feel joy if you do not allow yourself to fully feel grief. How can you know love if you have never felt hate?

Many women strive to keep themselves emotionally numb out of fear of feeling “negative” emotions, and in do so you unknowingly keep yourself stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle.

You may have been taught that your emotions are a liability and not an asset. You might be tempted to think you’re being over-emotional.

You may eat your emotions or stuff them back down. This just creates internal blocks that literally weigh you down.

So I railed, wept, and released.

And I feel cleansed. I feel clarity. And I am more determined than ever.

I can stay stuck in the past, OR I can move forward in alignment with my core values and spiritual beliefs. I can choose a different response.

My focus is my decision.

I could totally use this experience as an excuse to stay in victim energy. My sharing it would generate sympathy, and I’m sure I could get many of your fabulous readers on my side.

But that does not serve me.

No matter how significant the negative event, it is still your choice to focus on it—or not.

This was brought home to me a number of years ago during a conversation with a friend whose husband died unexpectedly while they were getting ready for work. He literally died in her arms.

Not long after, I asked how she was doing. Her response, “I’m having a few bad moments in otherwise good days.”

That struck me not only in the heart, but in the head. If she wasn’t allowing the sudden and traumatic death of her husband to bring her down, than what excuse did I have for responding badly to anything going on in my life?

This is even more powerful when you decide not to judge the painful experiences as “bad.” Pain is an important and valuable part of life. Experiencing it is a part of being fully human.

So today, I have had a few painful moments as part of my glorious day. I decide to fully embrace ALL of my emotions and experiences as valuable in my life. I decide not to use this as an excuse to wallow in self-pity, but to use this as a reason to continue the charge to fully be the best possible version of me.

I totally and completely love and accept myself and all the emotions that I feel. I embrace the valuable emotional guidance I am receiving.

Being at your optimal weight and experiencing wellness and well-being doesn’t mean that you will never experience challenges. It means that you are empowered in how you respond to those challenges. It means is that you see those situations differently and choose your responses rather than just reacting.

And that makes all the difference in the world.

What can you do to begin to acknowledge your feelings, rather than stuffing them back down?

When you stop fighting experiences and judging them as “bad,” and instead open your eyes and hearts to the gifts that are in every moment, you finally begin to receive those gifts.

As Jerry Hicks used to say, “Everything is always working out for me.” No matter what, no matter who, no matter where, Source (God, the Universe, All That Is, Higher coach—whatever works for you) is always on our side providing the experiences that are unfolding perfectly for my—and your—growth.

No matter what you are facing today, it is up to you to take this moment and consciously choose your focus and decide how you want to feel. You can endure it, let it crush you, or decide to thrive.

The experience will not change, but you change your experience of it.

Today, I decide to thrive.

What is your decision?

Together we can do it!

You Are Worth It!

Today is the last day to join  the Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program! 

What would it be worth to you to create a body and lifestyle you love? To successfully get to—and easily maintain—your optimal weight? To enjoy eating all the foods you love, and be healthier and more vibrant than ever before?

What would it feel like to wake up knowing you are at your physical and emotional best? To know your body is fit and capable of taking on every goal you’ve set for yourself? To be tapped into Universal forces so that your fitness and overall wellness feels guaranteed?

What would it mean to have the solid support from a dedicated partner who will stand by you no matter what?

How many years of pain, struggle, and wasted money would it cut off if you learned from someone who has walked the path before you, and is dedicated to your success?

This is exactly what the Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program will offer you (and much more!)

This unique program transforms your mindset, integrates your core values and spiritual beliefs, provides exceptional support, and hones in on the most powerful actions you can take to make releasing the weight not only easy and satisfying—but fun! (Yes, it really is possible!)

APPLY HERE

Today is the last day! The Love Your Way Slim Coaching Program won’t open again until January 2014!

 

http://loveyourwayslim.com/coaching-program/

Feel Fabulous On the Way to Getting the Body You Want

HappyOften when we set the New Year’s resolution to lose weight, the underlying thought behind the goal is, “I will be happy when I am slim.”

But it’s backwards. You have to start feeling happy now.

As much as possible, feel the emotion that you think being slim will give you. Feeling that emotion right now will actually help turbocharge your efforts to get the body you want.

And it will make the process of releasing the weight fun. (Yes, it really is possible to enjoy getting the body you want!)

It was a huge change for me when I shifted my thinking from, “I will be happy when I lose weight,” to “I will be happy now and enjoy the process of releasing my weight.”

Huge not in that making this shift was difficult, but huge in the impact it had on my life.

One way to make this shift is to think about how being at your ideal weight would make you feel.

Will losing weight make you feel confident? Empowered? Sexy?

This emotion is key. It is this emotion that you are truly after. You just think that losing weight is the route to getting that emotion.

One reason tapping into that emotion is so powerful is because you harness all of your energy in the present instead of siphoning it off to some future time or event.

Shifting your energy from the future to now is like going from driving with bald tires in the snow to having snow tires, chains, and all-wheel drive. It gives you traction, power, and momentum to reach your goals. 

How awesome is it that you can feel the way being slim would make you feel right away (you don’t have to wait!), AND feeling that way will help you get the body you want?

So how do you do that?

Think about times when you do feel confident, empowered, or sexy. If you can’t bring anything to mind, just imagine what having the body you want would feel like. And if you catch yourself feeling confident, empowered, or sexy, make that feeling last as long as possible by reaching for thoughts that build on that emotion.

Now practice this feeling as much as possible every day. Even feeling it for as little as 1 minute will start to move you in the direction you want to go.

Not only do you get the bonus of feeling good right now, but the process of releasing the weight becomes fun and satisfying. Best of all, you keep the weight off for good.

This time next year you can feel physically fabulous and fully love your body.

Decide right now to reach for how being slim will make you feel. And practice that every day.

Together we can do it!

Wellness Tip of the Day

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Wellness Tip of the Day

Health brings freedom. Feeling well helps you connect more with joy and do more of what you love. Focus on your wellness.

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My blog is moving! To keep following my posts after January 15, follow my new blog, at LoveYourWaySlim.com. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!

Wellness Tip of the Day

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Wellness Tip of the Day: Withholding love does not punish others—no matter how horrible they have been. But it does harm your body, mind, and spirit.

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My blog is moving to my new website LoveYourWaySlim.com. To keep following my posts after January 15, you will need to follow my new blog. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!

Take Care of You to Take Care of Others

15837s3rsga1hfaYesterday’s events in Connecticut may have left you reeling emotionally.

While it may feel selfish, now more than ever you need to focus on your own self-care.

This includes gently moving your body, getting enough rest, reaching for some highly nutritious foods, and taking some quiet time for meditation, prayer, or reflection.

And the number one thing you can do for your own wellness?

Ask for the support you need.

  • You may want to go it alone.
  • You may not feel comfortable asking for help.
  • You may be embarrassed by your emotions.

Much of holiday stress is feeling like you are in this alone.

And that’s a really tough, and painful road.

This is not the time to tough it out by yourself.

Study after study shows that having at least one person support you in meeting your wellness goals will dramatically increase your chances of success.

Having support helps you:

  • Normalize what you’re going through—You realize that everyone gets emotionally stressed, overwhelmed, overeats, and has moments of weakness. You are not a failure or a freak.
  • Notice and honor what you are doing for your self-care—Having someone to share the positive steps you are taking helps keep you motivated to take more steps.
  • Problem solve— You’ve got someone on your side who can see your situation more objectively and can help you brainstorm ways around any obstacles.
  • Re-find your inner peace—going it alone makes it easier to get caught in the negative thought spiral going on in your head. Having support helps break the inner patterns enabling you to refocus on the present and the blessings you have in your life.

Where can you find help?

  • Ask a friend or family member—Choose someone who is consistently positive, good at problem solving, and will be uplifting and inspiring.
  • Join a group—There are a number of on-line and in-person support groups. One such site is transformation.com. This incredible free community recognizes that emotions play a big role in wellness.
  • Hire a coach—Consider working one-on-one with a certified professional health or wellness coach who can help you stay focused on your self-care.
  • Go to a counselor–If your fear and grief are so intense that you are having trouble functioning, seek out the help of a professional counselor or therapist.

Taking care of yourself no matter what enables you to take care of others.

And if you have the inner resources to give, reach out to someone and offer unconditional support and encouragement—even love. The result is you both feel better—body, mind and spirit.

What can you do this weekend to reach out for—or give—support?

Having at least one person helping to cheer you on, boost morale, and problem solve will make it easier to take care of you, even in the face of really difficult circumstances.

Together we can do it!

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My blog is moving to my new website LoveYourWaySlim.com. For the next month, I will post both here and there. To keep following my posts after January 15, you will need to follow my new blog. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!