Are you afraid to disappoint others? Do you sacrifice your own wellbeing to ensure that friends or family are happy? Do you alter your actions because someone might judge you as uncooperative or unsupportive?

What if you’re not only negatively impacting your own wellness, but you’re actually doing the other person a serious disservice?

Now I am not saying that you should never do things for, with, or because of others. What I am suggesting is that you need to pay close attention to the emotional place from which you are doing those things.

For instance, I recently had a client who has been going through some significant life changes who was telling me she was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. When she looked at the coming week on her calendar, even time scheduled with friends and family felt like overwhelming obligations.

But she didn’t want to cancel any of those times because she was afraid to disappoint people and of being judged.

This is a pretty common mindset for women that is a little like a Gordian knot of negative, catabolic energy. So let’s begin pulling that thread with a series of questions.

When you are feeling in need of a break:

• How successfully are you going to meet your goals—or do the quality job you want—if you are pushing yourself past exhaustion?
• How likely are you going to make mistakes that will require even more energy to correct?
• How likely are you to be cranky, critical, or short-tempered with the people you love and care about the most? What kind of impact does that have on your relationships?
• How likely is it that you are going to be able to control how another person feels, even with the best of intentions?
• How true is it that the only person whose response you can control is you?
• How likely is it that your postponing a get-together or commitment is going to result in long-term damage to the relationship?
• How possible is it that while someone may have short-term disappointment when you cancel a get-together, that a new fulfilling opportunity could open up for them?
• What does it say about the other person if they judge you for taking care of your needs?
• How much would you judge someone for taking care of their needs?
• How true is it that you are not responsible for the opportunities that flow into another person’s life, no matter how dependent they may seem on you?
• How valuable and empowering is it for your friends or family to be in charge of creating their own perspective and reality?
• How valuable is it for you to take the time to rest and refresh and maintain your wellness so that you have positive anabolic energy to give?
• How much more powerfully beneficial are you to others when you are coming from a positive emotional place and are filled with anabolic caring, love, and appreciation?

Now let’s take a look at what the negative, catabolic thoughts and emotions are doing to your body.

Catabolic energy releases the stress hormone cortisol, adrenaline, and other chemicals that literally cannibalize your body. They break down your immune system, stress your heart, and impact your muscles. Over time, this catabolic energy can cause everything from painful trigger points in your shoulders, to inflammation, to heart attacks. It can even impact your metabolism and other weight-related systems making it easier to gain and harder to release weight.

When you take care of yourself and can come from a positive anabolic place of feeling good, being relaxed, enjoying yourself you are allowing your body to work for you down to the cellular level. Choosing a more constructive and positive anabolic reaction releases endorphins and body supporting hormones that help your body heal, rebuild, and flow with physical energy. And yes, makes it easier to release excess weight.

It is not a gift to others–or yourself–to show up in catabolic energy. Trust that All-That-Is (God, the Universe, Source Energy, Higher Coach—whatever works for you) is working in the other person’s life, and do what you need to do to rest and get back to a positive, anabolic energy place.

Making choices that are best for you will enable others to make the best choices for them. You are in charge of your happiness. Everyone else is in charge of theirs.

Together we can do it!