That Is So Bogus!

Your thoughts are often your worst enemies. They are probably keeping you from loving everything about your body—and your life.

You may be accepting the negative messages offered by your inner critic as true. And you feel bad.

Struggling with losing and regaining the same 30 pounds over and over again is often a sign that your Gremlin has been given reign over your inner Queendom.

Symptoms of this include:

  • Feeling body shame when you look in the mirror
  • Being overly critical of specific body parts
  • Wanting to hide under the covers when you have sex with your partner
  • Feeling impatient when the weight doesn’t drop off instantly

Stop right there!

Chances are those flimsy arguments offered up by your Gremlin are totally bogus. Search your thoughts with the bright light of Truth—those Universal Truths that are true no matter who, no matter what.

Now you probably won’t be able to jump in an instant from feeling body shame to the Truth that your body is beautiful. But a feeling of relief lets you know you are headed in the right direction.

Choose a different—better feeling—thought that creates an entirely new path.

This might look like:

  • Recognizing that your body is working hard to help you meet your goals. You didn’t get where you are overnight and it will take a little time to get where you want to go.
  • Focusing on a body part you can praise.
  • Focusing on the love you are expressing with your body.
  • Having faith that your body is responding to your eating healthy and exercising. Changes are coming!

When you catch yourself feeling a negative emotion, use that as a cue to look at your thinking. If you think it’s your Gremlin talking, reason your way through its messages looking for Truth.

What better feeling thought can you choose that moves you towards your goals?

Together we can do it!

Dang That’s Judgmental

One of the things I love about stepping outside my comfort zone is that my shadow side may show up. That’s the part of me that is insecure, defensive, judgmental—you get the idea. It’s an amazing opportunity to practice showing up as authentically me—regardless of the people or situation.

The authentic me is loving and accepting. The authentic me sees my value—and the value in each person and situation. The authentic me knows that there are no mistakes and that the diversity of people and opinions is what makes the world go round. The authentic me knows that speaking my truth with ease and grace will be a gift to others, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment.

If I am acting out of anger, frustration, defensiveness, fear, judgment, or condemnation, I’m not being authentically me—and I have the opportunity to make a difference choice.

The onus is on me to stay connected to my Higher Self (God, All-That-Is, Universe, Source—whatever works for you) and to pay attention if I am coming from a place of love or a place of anger, a place of appreciation or a place of fear.

One way for you to stay authentic and maintain your connection to your Higher Self in relationships—particularly if you have a history of pushing each other’s buttons—is to actively focus on all the good qualities of the other person. To literally practice seeing them in the best light.

There are a couple of ways to do this.

Create a list of all the things about the other person that you appreciate, and read and add to it every day.

Practice a visualization. See yourself bathed in a golden light that feels like joy and love, and then expand that light to include other people. First extend the light to the people you love and get along with easily. As the light grows brighter and more powerful, expand it to include more challenging people.

You may think that it’s the other person who needs to change so that you all can get along, but you are contributing just as much to the difficult dynamics. It’s up to you to show up differently.

The only person you can control is you. Choose now how you want to show up.  Practice showing up authentically.

And if you do react in a less than ideal way—as I guarantee that you sometimes will—the primary thing to do is forgive yourself. You don’t have to be perfect. Just pick yourself up and keep practicing being the best possible version of you so you show up more authentically the next time.

Together we can do it!

Tips for Training Your Inner Critic

During my workout this morning, my inner critic showed up and started telling me that I was never going to achieve my fitness goals. I blew my internal whistle.

I took my rightful place as the Coach calling the plays of my life and reminded my Gremlin that it’s a member of my team. “Your job,” I told it, “is to help me give this workout my all.”

And it did. Each rep it reminded me of my form, asked me if the weights I was using were challenging enough, and pushed me to squeeze out one more rep, in many cases going beyond what I thought I could do.

That’s more like it!

One of the reasons so many people let that internal voice that tells them they aren’t good enough dominate their inner monologue is they don’t know their own power. They don’t realize that their Gremlin’s job is actually to help them, not hold them back.

When you give all your power to the Gremlin, it gets a little greedy and controlling. What player left in charge of the team wouldn’t start to believe they’re calling the shots? What’s more, the Gremlin likes being in charge!

This can result in a bit of an internal power struggle when people do start to claim the right to create their own lives.

There are ways to not only make this process easier, but to increase your ability to successfully reclaim the position of Coach in your life. Here are some tips to recruit and begin to train your inner critic to become the motivational voice that encourages you to move past your believed limits.

Look for the Truth. Those negative things the Gremlin is saying aren’t the Truth. It’s just playing on your fears. Figure out what is True. For instance, if it’s telling you that you always get lost, look for the Truth, which is that you know how to read a map, stop and ask for directions, or dial up the GPS on your phone. You always find your way eventually.

Treat your Gremlin with respect. Your Gremlin is a part of you and because of this you can’t kill it, beat it up, threaten it, or destroy it. Any attempt to do those things will just make it stronger. When it pipes up uninvited, thank it for the input and then remind it of the Truth.

Look at how and when it came into your life. Often we can think back and pinpoint when and how the Gremlin was created. It’s helpful to do this, but if you can’t remember, don’t worry about it.

Accept that it was created to help you. While it doesn’t feel like it, the Gremlin was created to help us in some way. Perhaps it was to avoid embarrassing situations. The problem is, how it shows up in your life now no longer serves you.

Give it a job supporting you. Think about how the energy of the Gremlin could be shifted to help you meet your goals rather than hold you back.

Remember you’re the Coach. Take ownership of your life and begin calling the plays. You have the power to decide how you are going to react in every situation. You can follow the Gremlin’s old game plan, or implement a new one that helps create the life you want to live.

How are you doing at being the Coach of your life? What can you do today to train your Gremlin to support you? How does that change your ability to meet your goals?

Together we can do it!

Photo by Naypong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Are You Afraid Of?

“Every living thing—animal, human, or plant—experiences that which is called death, with no exception. Spirit, which is who-we-really-are, is Eternal. So what death must be is but a changing of the perspective of that Eternal Spirit. If you are standing in your physical body and consciously connected to that Spirit, then you are Eternal in nature and you need never fear any “endedness,” because, from that perspective, there is none. (You will never cease to be, for you are Eternal Consciousness.)”

Abraham as interpreted by Esther Hicks

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”

Robert H. Schuller

In Saturday’s blog, I wrote about the number one regret that people who were dying reported to Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. That regret? The wish that they’d had the courage to live life true to themselves and not the life others expected of them.

The biggest reason people don’t live true to themselves? Fear. Fear of failure, fear of what others will think, fear that they are less than Who they truly are.

As someone who spent a lot of my life buckled under the weight of that fear, I encourage you with all my being to throw it off.

That fear is a blindfold pulled over our collective eyes. It is not Truth.

The Truth is it is impossible to fail, because there can be no failure where there is learning and growth. And every experience is valuable.

The Truth is what others think does not matter. They do not—and cannot—know your heart. You have to search within to find that, and you are the only one who can know your heart fully.

The Truth is you cannot fail because your Spirit is Eternal. The point of life is living. There is no way to get it wrong.

Live life true to yourself.” This is the wisdom passed on to you by those who wished they had done things differently.

It means letting go of false beliefs about Who you are, what you are capable of, and what you deserve.

It means letting go of fear that does not serve you.

It means listening to your own heart.

It means having faith in your eternal nature.

Every moment of every day you are creating your life. Each decision either holds you in place or moves you towards the person you want to become—the person you are meant to be.

What is one small thing you can you do today to live life true to yourself? How does that make you feel? How much closer are you to being the person you want to become?

Together we can do it!

Look for the Solution

It used to be that when I had a problem, I talked to everyone about it. I hashed it and rehashed it, and asked everyone’s advice. What should I do?

Often, people would want me to do things that I really didn’t want to do, which created even more stress and struggle. Sometimes even making small decisions—like where to go to dinner—was laborious and emotionally draining. Typically when the time would come to make a decision, I still wouldn’t make one—which is in itself making a decision—and I would just let events and situations play out.

Talk about giving up all my personal power! It was a painful and unhappy way to live.

Part of the process of taking back my power was to stop talking about the problem. Talking about the problem can feel like we are looking for a solution, but truly it is just making that problem seem more stubborn and feel more insurmountable. You cannot see the solution while you are so intensely focused on the problem.

Shifting your focus to finding the solution takes energy away from the problem and opens your mind to possibilities that you would otherwise be blind to.

So how do you shift from focusing on the problem to focusing on the solution?

Being solution-focused is really being future-focused. You have to look away from “What was” and “What is,” and instead look towards “What will be,” and even more powerful, “How you would like it to be.”

Part of it is also trusting, believing, and knowing that there is always a solution to every problem. This is one of those Universal Truths that people don’t always believe because they are so problem-focused that they often miss the solutions, so they think there wasn’t one. Being solution-focused does take a certain amount of faith or confidence that the solution is there and that you will find it.

Taking responsibility for the choices and decisions you are making is another piece. For instance, if you want to reduce your weight, you have to take responsibility for the food you eat. While your eating can feel out of your control, it isn’t. No one else is forcing you to eat anything. Whether you are conscious of it or not, there is always a thought and emotion behind that action. Until you take responsibility for it, you give up your personal power.

And finally—and probably most challenging—is you have to stop looking outside of yourself for the answer. Sure you want to analyze data, understand the problem, and do your research, but people often get stuck in that analysis phase thinking the solution will magically appear. That’s still being focused on the problem. Once you have a good grip on it, turn your focus towards looking for the future-solution. This is when you want to stop asking other people for their opinions of what you should do.

Other people don’t know who you are, what your experiences have been, where you are on your path, and where you want to go. They know what they want and that is not the same thing.

This is where a coach is helpful. A well-trained coach is not going to give you advice, but instead is keenly aware that you have the answers for you, and helps you find them.

Your path is your path. No one else can walk it. When you take your focus off the problem and instead look for the solution, the absolute best step for you will become clear.

Together we can do it!

Photo by Evgeni Dinev / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Empowerment is Shifting How You See Yourself

What do you see when you look in the mirror? What are your thoughts about yourself? How much praise is there compared to criticism?

Would you speak to someone else the way you speak to yourself? How would they feel if you did? What if you said those things to a child? Would it nourish them, or make them tremble?

Often, what we say to ourselves would get us arrested if we said them to a child. If it’s not OK to say to someone else, why is it OK to say to yourself?

One of my client’s biggest limiting beliefs—and one that I used to share—is believing that they are less than; less valuable, less important, less smart, less beautiful, less worthy, etc.

I wish that I had a mirror I could hold up so that you could see the Being that you truly are. To help you see that you have intrinsic value—no matter what you do or don’t do.

In this mirror you would see that you are as unique as a snow flake. There is not anyone else in the world that has had the exact same experiences as you, or who sees the world in exactly the same way. Your unique perspective adds value to this world. It is important to All-That-Is.

You are more powerful than you can even imagine. You have complete creative control over your life if you will just take it. All it requires is shifting your focus to where you want to go, knowing that it is an absolute fact that you will get there, and releasing control of how you arrive at that place. Simple, but not necessarily easy.

You are uniquely gifted. Your gifts add to this world the way an instrument adds to a symphony. Your instrument sounds beautiful all on its own, and adds to the whole when it is joined with others. Your instrument only sounds flat and out of tune when you are being less than you truly are.

You are resourceful and are much greater and wiser than you appear to be. Your solution to any problem is always there if you will but take your eyes off the problem long enough to look for it.

And you are loved more than you can possibly imagine. Not only by your families, but by people whose lives you have touched as no one else has, and by the Source of All-That-Is.

Allow yourself to begin seeing yourself this way. There are no reprimands or limitations in your mind other than the ones you shackle yourself with. No angry hordes will come after you with pitchforks for acknowledging that you are unique, powerful, gifted, resourceful, and loved.

In fact, that spark of good feeling, that sense of upliftment, that outright feeling of joy is letting you know that you are speaking the Truth about yourself—maybe for the first time.

This Truth can only come from the inside out. You cannot depend on anyone else to see or confirm it. But I see it. I know this is who you are. And when you allow yourself to see it, too, you will be empowered to live as who you are meant to be.

Together we can do it!

Photo by luigi diamanti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What’s Your Holiday Focus?

For the past several days, I have been more focused on what I don’t want then what I do want.

  •  I’ve been focused on not eating sugar instead of eating for health and wellness.
  • I’ve been focused on my worry over gaining weight instead of being confident in my ability to maintain my weight.
  • I’ve been focused on all the things I can’t do because I am recovering from surgery instead of what I can do.
  • I’ve been focused on being bored instead of milking every ounce of rest and relaxation out of this recovery time.

Just remembering that what I focus on is a choice feels so much better! With that reminder to myself, I will practice shifting my focus every time I notice that I am feeling out of sorts. Like magic, not only do I feel better, but I have more fun, my stress level drops, and life unfolds in a more beautiful way.

For many people, the holidays are a time where they focus on stress, too much to do, family squabbles, and maybe even judgment, disappointment, sadness, and loss.

This is all focusing on what you don’t want.

What can you do to shift your focus to all the opportunities presented by the holidays? Here’s what those new thoughts might look like:

  • I’m choosing to do these extra things because I love my family and want them to have the best holiday ever.
  • I will do what I can, and am willing to let go of those things that really aren’t a priority.
  • I am going to focus on how I show up at family gatherings, and will let go of past problems and expectations.
  • The past is over. I have a new opportunity right now to create a better-feeling present and future.
  • I recognize that the holiday season is about love, forgiving, and giving, and I’m going to demonstrate that to everyone I encounter.

Don’t beat yourself up if you catch yourself focused on what you don’t want. We all fall into that pattern sometimes. Just gently and persistently shift your thoughts to what you do want.

Practice focusing on what you want, who you want to be, what you want to do, and how you want to feel. What difference does that make in your life?

Together we can do it!

 

Photo by suphakit73 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net