Wellness Tip of the Day: Ease up on your self-criticism and examine your own judgments. When you see yourself—and others—as beautiful you change the world.
Tag Archives: self-criticism
Aren’t You Curious?
I set aside time yesterday to work on my business bookkeeping. In addition to a little bit of procrastination, I found myself starting the project with a small bowl of dark chocolate chips.
And I went back for seconds.
Of course this is not the end of the world and I did get the bookkeeping done, but what both the procrastination and chocolate let me know is that I have some negative, catabolic thoughts, emotions, and beliefs going on that I need to look at.
Whenever your actions and goals aren’t in alignment, it just means there’s some underlying catabolic energy that needs to be addressed. That’s it. It’s not an indication of your strength of character, willpower, or how good a person you are.
And it’s not about the food.
Mentally beating yourself up in these situations is the equivalent of throwing gasoline on a fire. Adding negative self-criticism is literally just making the underlying catabolic energy stronger and giving it more momentum.
It’s best just to step back and observe yourself with curiosity. What’s going on here? What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What do I believe about myself in regards to this situation?
And don’t even try to change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in that moment. Remember, you’ve got some energetic momentum built up. Stepping in front of an energetic tidal wave will emotionally pound you into the rocks.
Just watch and let the wave go by. Later, when you’re feeling good and are in a positive, anabolic state of energy, you can revisit the scenario and look at the underlying beliefs. Not only do you gain clarity from this better-feeling place, but you can more powerfully change your thoughts so that the next time you’re better able to align your actions with your goals.
In my situation, I have some lingering limiting beliefs about my math skills that go back to grade school, as well as expectations about how “unfun” bookkeeping is, etc., etc. So here’s how I shifted my thinking after meditating this morning.
The reality is putting my bookkeeping off feels way worse than doing it. And as long as I have a calculator, I’m actually pretty good at it. I have an intuitive sense that enables me to make smart decisions. There’s a part of me that really enjoys seeing the numbers line up. And I see the income I’m making as an indication of the value and service I’m providing my clients. And I love how the income is helping me build my business so I can support and help empower more women. It feels very satisfying to have my books in order and to know exactly how much I have spent and earned. I love the feeling of being on top of things and knowing the ins and outs of my business.
Now, next time I’m sitting down to do my books, I’ll be able to tap into that feeling of satisfaction, enjoyment, and even empowerment, and I’ll be less likely to feel the need to reach for chocolate.
However, because this issue entails some long-standing limiting beliefs, I may have to do this process several times before I am chocolate-free. But each time I do it, I’m shifting the underlying energy to a more positive place.
As I let go of the catabolic feeling of dread around bookkeeping and switch it to a more anabolic feeling of expectation, satisfaction, and even eagerness, not only will I be able to let go of the chocolate, but I’ll have an increase in energy that will enable me to be more productive and engaged in all areas of my life.
The next time you find yourself doing some stress- or emotional-eating, just observe yourself with curiosity. Pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling. Later, when you are feeling better, look at how can you change those beliefs.
Together we can do it!
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Take a Restraining Order Out On Yourself
How long would you want to hang around someone who was constantly critical of how you looked, what you did, what you said, or how you acted?
Would they be the friend you went to for support when you were down, or to celebrate your success? Let’s hope not!
Loving support is about building you up, cheering you on, and having someone who believes in their heart that you can do anything that you set your mind on achieving.
Now look at how you treat yourself. Are you critical and demanding or loving and supportive?
If you are like most women, you say things to yourself that you would never say to a friend or loved one.
I’ve watched women give themselves a little slap along with a bit of self-criticism. “I should have thought of that.” Slap. “I’m so sassy.” Slap. “I can’t believe I did that.” Slap.
Many verbally abuse themselves for things like not being able to maintain a positive attitude in the face of real challenges, being less than perfect, and not looking the way fashion magazines say they should look.
In relationships where someone is verbally or physically abusing another, a court will step in and issue a restraining order to the keep the other person from inflicting any more harm.
It’s time to take a restraining order out on yourself.
Begin to ease up on the demands and criticisms you direct towards yourself. Look for and celebrate the signs of the progress you are making rather than the distance you haven’t yet traveled. Catalog and have confidence in the things you do well.
Treat yourself as you would treat another.
What can you do to draft yourself as an ally to support you in achieving your goals? How does changing how you treat yourself alter how others treat you? How much better does loving and supporting yourself feel?
Together we can do it!
Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net
Look How Far You’ve Come
This is true regardless of who you are or where you are in your life. Think about the things you’ve overcome, what you’ve learned, how you’ve changed. Even the experiences you had yesterday have added to Who you are.
Too often people compare themselves to others or where they think they ought to be. This leads to self-doubts, self-criticism, and frustration that they’re not further along.
What happens if you stop for a moment and really look at how far you’ve come and let yourself appreciate where you are right now? How different does that feel? How much more empowering is that new feeling?
That feeling is the difference between negative catabolic energy that holds you back and positive anabolic energy that enables you to move towards achieving your goals.
Comparing yourself to you versus someone else or where you think you should be gives you a much more accurate progress assessment.
For instance, if you’re dieting, what you learned yesterday helps you know more about how your body responds to food, what thoughts and emotions may trip you up, and what helps you succeed.
And where you are today will be a measurement to assess your progress tomorrow, or a week, month, year or lifetime from now.
Even if you are 20 pounds (or more) heavier than you want and you feel like you’ve lost ground, you haven’t. You’ve gathered information that will help you move forward towards your goals and Who you want to be. That time and experience was not lost or wasted. Even if all you have is a clearer picture of what you don’t want, that is valuable. Sometimes you have to know that before you can figure out how to move towards what you do want.
You’ve come a long way. You are more than you were yesterday. You have new information upon which to base new decisions, generate new ideas, and create new experiences.
Look for ways to appreciate where you are and how far you’ve come, and then reach for the new place you want to be.
Together we can do it!
Keeping Yourself on Track When You Have Been Less Than Perfect
My eating has been less than perfect this week. It hasn’t been horrible, but it hasn’t been spot on, either.
What I love reflecting on is that in the fairly recent past, not being perfect would have meant giving up altogether. My thinking would have been along the lines of, “I’ve blown it,” followed by a lot of really harsh self-criticism that would have resulted in regaining the weight I had just lost.
That old negative, catabolic assault on my mind, body, and spirit felt terrible! It truly was verbal abuse inflicted on myself. I’m so glad I don’t do that anymore!
But this morning, I became aware of a slight undercurrent of catabolic thoughts and feelings (guilt) resulting from a few higher calorie food choices.
Since I am aware of it, I’m going to address it right here and right now.
The main thing I want to remind myself is that optimal wellness is about taking care of me for the long-run.
While I have set some goals for an 18-week transformation challenge, my wellness goals will not end there. I do not have to be perfect to meet my short and long-term goals. What matters most is that I am making progress, and I am definitely doing that.
Yesterday is done. Forget about it. Focus on the choices I am making today. Yes, this weekend will be challenging being with my folks, traveling, and it being my husband’s birthday, but I have the skills and determination to make the best possible choices—and still allow myself to have a good time and truly appreciate what I am eating. As Tony Horton says, “I will do my best and forget the rest.”
And I am doing a great job of getting my workouts in, and my slight splurges have not been nutritionally out there. It’s important to give myself credit where credit is due.
I definitely have the ability to make good decisions about what, when, and how much I am eating—and can follow through with those decisions. One thing I know for sure is that consistently making those small decisions to eat healthy foods and move my body pays off so much. There is not much I love more than physically feeling good and being in alignment mind, body, and spirit.
After this little talk, I feel a huge surge of anabolic energy that I can use to help stay on track this weekend. If I am less than perfect, what’s important is to be aware of and minimize the catabolic self-talk.
Paying attention to my thoughts impacts my feelings, which absolutely results in actions that are either taking me towards my goals or away from them.
Has this example of my internal dialogue been helpful for you? What are the things you do to get yourself back on track when you have been less than perfect? How does that help you reach your goals?
Together we can do it!
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