Tag Archives: self-care

Take Care of You to Take Care of Others

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15837s3rsga1hfaYesterday’s events in Connecticut may have left you reeling emotionally.

While it may feel selfish, now more than ever you need to focus on your own self-care.

This includes gently moving your body, getting enough rest, reaching for some highly nutritious foods, and taking some quiet time for meditation, prayer, or reflection.

And the number one thing you can do for your own wellness?

Ask for the support you need.

  • You may want to go it alone.
  • You may not feel comfortable asking for help.
  • You may be embarrassed by your emotions.

Much of holiday stress is feeling like you are in this alone.

And that’s a really tough, and painful road.

This is not the time to tough it out by yourself.

Study after study shows that having at least one person support you in meeting your wellness goals will dramatically increase your chances of success.

Having support helps you:

  • Normalize what you’re going through—You realize that everyone gets emotionally stressed, overwhelmed, overeats, and has moments of weakness. You are not a failure or a freak.
  • Notice and honor what you are doing for your self-care—Having someone to share the positive steps you are taking helps keep you motivated to take more steps.
  • Problem solve— You’ve got someone on your side who can see your situation more objectively and can help you brainstorm ways around any obstacles.
  • Re-find your inner peace—going it alone makes it easier to get caught in the negative thought spiral going on in your head. Having support helps break the inner patterns enabling you to refocus on the present and the blessings you have in your life.

Where can you find help?

  • Ask a friend or family member—Choose someone who is consistently positive, good at problem solving, and will be uplifting and inspiring.
  • Join a group—There are a number of on-line and in-person support groups. One such site is transformation.com. This incredible free community recognizes that emotions play a big role in wellness.
  • Hire a coach—Consider working one-on-one with a certified professional health or wellness coach who can help you stay focused on your self-care.
  • Go to a counselor–If your fear and grief are so intense that you are having trouble functioning, seek out the help of a professional counselor or therapist.

Taking care of yourself no matter what enables you to take care of others.

And if you have the inner resources to give, reach out to someone and offer unconditional support and encouragement—even love. The result is you both feel better—body, mind and spirit.

What can you do this weekend to reach out for—or give—support?

Having at least one person helping to cheer you on, boost morale, and problem solve will make it easier to take care of you, even in the face of really difficult circumstances.

Together we can do it!

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My blog is moving to my new website LoveYourWaySlim.com. For the next month, I will post both here and there. To keep following my posts after January 15, you will need to follow my new blog. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!

Are You Being Selfish if You Take Care of You?

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christmas-meditatorAre you taking care of you?

Often women are reluctant to make caring for themselves a priority. This is particularly true during the holidays.

You may feel like there is just too much to do.

All the shopping, decorating, socializing, cooking, sending out holiday cards—the list goes on and on. Plus, you may be focused on creating a magical holiday experience for your kids and family.

You may feel that taking care of you is being selfish.

The Truth is that you have to take care of yourself first to have the stamina and energy to take care of others.

Ask yourself, “Are you the best partner, mom, daughter, friend you can be if you’re over-tired? How much harder is it to get everything on your to-do list done if you don’t feel physically well?”

A common response to the idea of establishing a routine of self-care that includes getting enough sleep, exercise, healthy foods, and quiet time for self-reflection or meditation is, “I don’t have time to do those things.”

The Truth is you don’t have time NOT to do them.

Making your self-care your highest priority—even if it’s only 15 minutes a day—will give you extra energy and vitality that will enable you to be the partner, mom, daughter, and friend you want to be.

And it helps you “do” more in the time you do have.

If you only have 10 to 15 minutes a day to take care of you, what should be highest priority?

If you can do just one thing, figure out how to move your body in some way—even if it’s just 10 minutes a day.

Exercise is powerful medicine. The list of its benefits is long and incredible. Study after study shows that exercise plays an important role in promoting sound physical and mental-health, as well as emotional well-being  If the effects of exercise could be put in a pill, everyone would want to take it.

This doesn’t have to be a long, full-blown workout. Even going for a walk around the block makes a difference and provides stress relief. It could even be vigorous vacuuming! Get creative and count everything you do.

Other simple but powerful things you can do are:

  • Take 3 deep breaths. It sounds simple, but you’ll be amazed at the shift in energy it provides. And you can do this anytime, anywhere.
  • Meditate or sit quietly or take a bubble bath for 5 to 15 minutes. Quieting your mind for just a few minutes boosts physical energy, and also makes solutions easier to see.
  • Focus on appreciating not only the blessings in your life—but also of the people in your life. This is like blazing a mental trail for how you want your life and relationships to be.
  • Take a nap! Even 10 minutes can rev up your energy and help quiet the mental strain for the rest of the day.
  • Be picky about the treats you eat. Is it really calorie-worthy? Choose healthier foods or smaller portions—most of the time—and then really enjoy the treat you do eat.

These small actions boost your wellness and well-being—and your ability to be there for the people you love. 

Establish a simple and doable routine of self-care. Actually schedule it in your calendar and do your best to work everything else around it.

Make taking care of yourself your highest priority so you have the energy and vitality to take care of others.

Together we can do it!

Take a Step Towards the Healthy and Happy Holidays You Want

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Decisions
There’s a lot of tempting food around this time of year.

Many of the women I work with feel out of control with their eating, or rebellious about holding back on holiday treats, or rationalize that “it’s just once a year.”

So you eat. And eat.

And then you mentally beat yourself up. 

We’re not talking about a little, “Oh, I shouldn’t have eaten that.”

What often happens is a full-blown attack. 

We’re talking guilt. You say things to yourself like:

  • “I am so weak.”
  • “I’m so stupid.”
  • “I’m ugly.”
  • “I’m fat.”
  • “I hate my body.” 

You say things that are totally and completely UNTRUE! You say things to yourself that you would never say to anyone else. 

And it is a painful place to be.

I love the Dan Millman quote:

“You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

Let me repeat the key sentence:

“Making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

This absolutely includes eating what you judge to be “bad” over the holidays. Or not being at what you feel is your optimal weight. Or not looking like a super model.

Beating yourself up is NOT helpful.

And it could very well end up making you feel so bad that you just give-up trying to eat healthy until the New Year.

If you found yourself driving in the wrong direction, would you just keep going for weeks trying to find your destination? Would you tell yourself how horrible you are because you’re not there?

Would you say to yourself, “Oh well. I’m lost. I might as well just keep driving until January 2?”

Think of all the extra miles you would add-on to the trip, and the possible damage that could be done to your car?

You can make a different choice. 

And there are lots of options. You can:

  • Pull over and ask for directions.
  • Turn around right now.
  • Start driving in what you know is the right direction, and focus on enjoying the occasional detour.

Often you put off taking care of yourself until Monday, the first of the year, or some deadline that is later.

Then when you get there, you may do well for a couple of days, only to feel overwhelmed and deprived and find yourself back to your old eating and exercise habits.

What if, instead, you committed to eating just a little bit healthier today?

Or moving your body in some way for 10 minutes?

Or celebrated all that you did that was healthy, instead of the few things you didn’t do?

  • Would that feel like you were headed in the right direction?
  • Would your self-talk be more supportive?
  • Would that make it easier to keep going tomorrow? Next week? On January 2? 

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”

—Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher (604 BC – 531 BC)

Don’t just keep driving in the wrong direction by putting off eating healthy and exercising until everything is perfect.

The only perfect time to start taking care of yourself is right now. Even if it’s just one tiny step towards the body—and life—you want.

Together we can do it!

The 3 Keys to My Personal Transformation

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From August 1, 2008 to August 1, 2009, I went from wearing a size 8 and running and working out regularly to busting out of size 14 pants and not working out at all.

After years of consistent exercise, I couldn’t believe I was starting over from scratch–again.

I was really struggling with getting back on track.

“Before” photo taken October 2009

While I hated where I was, I just couldn’t seem to find the energy to pull myself out of bed in the morning and move.

Three things were key to my turning around that situation.

  1. Accountability. Support is vital. Having a friend, coach, or group to turn to is huge!
  2. Progress not perfection. Counting every single thing you do during the day that could even be remotely considered part of a healthy lifestyle builds positive momentum.
  3. Mindset training. Shifting your thoughts from hating where you are to focusing on why you want to be fit, strong, and slim is the true secret to long-term weight-loss success. 

Here’s how I did it.

My friend, Julia, was my first accountability partner and we checked in with each other every day to cheer each tiny success and reframe any “stumble.” (Thank you, Julia! I couldn’t have done it without you!)

I set small, attainable goals for how much time I would move my body. Starting with a goal of just 10 minutes a day, I counted walking the dogs, vigorous vacuuming, and even a long walk across a parking lot to my car. I literally counted anything and everything that involved moving. A few weeks of meeting that minimal goal and I bumped it up to 20 minutes, and so on.

And I wrote out all the reasons I wanted to be fit, strong, and slim on index cards—and I read them everyday to retrain my brain while I was retraining my body.

Changing my mindset, focusing on my success, and having a supportive person to report my successes to made all the difference in the world.

Today, I love my body and life more than I thought possible!

I regularly work out vigorously for 25 to 60 minutes, six mornings a week. I eat healthy foods most of the time, and I wear between a size 4 and 6. And I’ve kept the weight off now for more than two years!

“After: photo taken November 10, 2012. Photo by Lindsay A. Miller

I didn’t get here overnight. But by slowly and steadily making those small decisions towards a healthier me, I built momentum and achieved my goals.

And you can do it, too.

If you are already working out regularly, awesome! How can you push yourself just a little bit further?

If you are changing your energetic momentum towards a healthier you:

  • What is the minimum you can do today that will make you feel like you are making progress?
  • What are the reasons you want to be fit, strong, and slim?
  • Who can you turn to get the necessary support and accountability?

Just consistently making those small decisions to move in the direction of who you want to be will help you achieve the body—and life—you want.

Together we can do it!

Transforming Your Mind to Get the Body—and Life—You Want

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I try to practice what I preach.

While I’m far from perfect, my self-care is a priority. Most of the time, I eat healthy food, make meditation and moving my body a part of my daily routine, and strive to get adequate sleep.

And I focus on appreciating myself and what I contribute to the world.

But I got a strong message yesterday during a Reiki session that I’m not following the advice I give to my clients. That I’m not being as gentle with myself as I could be, that I’m letting old fear get in the way of showing up as my fullest and brightest self—as Who I really am—and that I’m not fully loving myself.

I’ve come a long way, but clearly I have more work to do!

The good news—and what I tell my clients—is that every layer of fear, resistance, and self-judgment that we let go of makes our lives better and better. And we never finish finding new layers that we have the opportunity to release.

Bottom line: the better life gets, the better it can get.

And honestly, the message I received wasn’t that surprising.

  • I’m aware of how self-critical I can be when my eating is less than perfect, which has been more frequent in the past few weeks.
  • I’m aware of the judgments that can still come when I look in the mirror.
  • I’m aware of holding my loving and exuberant-self back from dancing down the street—and many other things—out of fear of what other people will think.
  • I’m aware that how I express myself in my dress and physical appearance is based on old rules and other’s expectations.
  • I’m aware of the fear of judgment I have because I’m guiding women to love their way slim—and I am not as slim as I could be. There is definitely a part of me that feels like I need to have 8 percent body fat and be ripped to be a legitimate example. I see the coaches who are that, and I negatively compare myself.

Just imagine all the layers I’m not aware of!

So as I encourage you to do the work to transform your mind to get the body you want, know that I’m doing the same. That I’m focused on peeling those catabolic inner layers because that is Who I want to be and how I want to live my life.

  • I want to be gentle and easy with myself.
  • I want to feel good about each decision I make.
  • I want to look in the mirror and bask in appreciation and love.
  • I want to fully be me and express myself.
  • I want to be confident in the value that I am providing each of you fabulous readers and to my amazing clients.

No matter what. From exactly where I am.

I’m not perfect, but I am willing to do the work.

How about you?

Together we can do it!

Ease Up for Ultimate Control

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I woke up this morning to a gentle rain falling. My husband is out of town, and the animals are extra-loving and the house is quiet. So I took time to sleep-in, meditate, and relax.

The past couple of weeks have been powerful and full of opportunities, and I’ve experienced a lot of change and growth. I also have a lot on my to-do list—much of it things I really want to do and all of it I want done right now.

One of my biggest opportunities has been to practice what I preach about self-care. And a big part of self-care is listening to your body.

It’s easy for me to get caught around the axil of being goal-driven, eating prescribed meals at certain times, and doing my planned intense exercise—no matter what.

While that serves me most of the time, and I think is generally good practice, there are times when what my body (and mind!) really needs is a little kindness, to be treated gently, to be allowed to rest.

After all, if you are driving your car under wet or difficult conditions, the solution for more control is to ease up on the gas pedal, not slam your foot down.

When I don’t listen and ease up, my body will usually alert me to the need with increasing pain, which I’ve been experiencing in my knees and shoulder. If I continue to not listen, I’ll very likely wind up with an injury that will force me to rest.

Having experienced this in the past, I’m working on being more mindful and listening to my body before it gets to that breaking point.

This week, that’s looked like more sleep, easy and gentle movement, and still healthy but less rigid eating.

While my body is experiencing some relief that is letting me know this week of rest was needed, there is a part of me that is afraid if I let up on the intensity at all I will slide back into old patterns, lose the progress that I have made, and once again struggle with my weight.

It is the fear that by easing up at all, I will lose all control and before I know it, I’ll be back at square one.

Just articulating that fear feels like relief.

So I’ll ask myself what I might ask a client.

How reasonable is that fear?

I am a different person now than I even was yesterday, much less two to three years ago. I’ve come a long way, baby! Over the past three years, I’ve not only released the weight, I’ve maintained my new svelte figure. That is evidence of a new and different me.

While there is always the chance that I could fall back into old patterns, it’s not very likely. I know more. I am more. If my weight started creeping up, I would know exactly what to do about it and have lots more emotional and spiritual tools in my toolbox that would help. Plus, I’m learning more every day.

And let’s say the worst did happen, and I didn’t get back on track and I refound the weight. Looking back, I now see that my struggles with my weight were perfect for me and were important to helping me get where I am now. It has been key to my ability to relate to so many other women, to find the missing link that causes 90 percent of diets to fail, and to fully see the beauty and magnificence inside every woman.

If I were to go through the up and down again, wouldn’t there be an amazing opportunity for me to grow and become even more, and to be of even greater service to others?

Absolutely.

So today, I’m going to continue my self-care. I will do gentle and easy movement. I will reach for foods that feel like my body is asking for. I will do work if that feels fun, or I will rest or read if that feels more needed. I will meet up with friends at a book signing and for dinner tonight, and I will be present and loving, and allow us all to be exactly where we are.

And tomorrow, I will evaluate where I am and what my body feels like it needs. And I’ll look forward to continuing to feel strong, fit, and lean.

What do you need to do for your own self-care today? How can you balance your goals with the messages you are getting from your body? What are your indications that it’s time to push and move forward, or that it’s time to ease up and rest? What difference does that make to living the life of your dreams?

Together we can do it!

Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net

How to Change Your Luck

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A friend of mine who struggles with her weight recently commented on how lean I was looking and said with a heavy sigh, “You are so lucky.”

I didn’t say anything in the moment, but I thought this was interesting since this friend knew me three years ago when I was at my heaviest weight ever and has witnessed me not only getting the weight off, but keeping it off for the first time in my life.

Truly, luck has had nothing to do with it.

Wellness is something that I focus on and strive to achieve. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I am committed to regularly moving my body and eating healthy food most of the time. But more importantly, I have changed my relationship with my body—and with myself.

I love and appreciate myself more, and as a result, I do more to take care of me. This “selfishness” of making my self-care a priority has actually enabled me to do more for others because I feel better mind, body, and spirit. Not only do I have more physical energy, but I have more mental and emotional energy. I am happier, healthier, and more in love with life as a result. My being happier has an impact on everyone I encounter.

We often assume that everyone else has it easier than we do and that we are alone in our struggles. We think weight loss, relationships, and life are just easier for everyone else.

Even when we witness other people’s struggles we forget. My friend doesn’t remember that in the middle of my initial effort to lose weight that my husband suffered a life-changing wellness-challenge that made it hard for him to get out of bed. While he’s much better now, there were some tough times that would have been easy to use as an excuse for giving up.

Everyone has had their share of struggle and challenge that they have overcome—including you. What you have overcome in your life is amazing. How much more powerful—and empowering—is it to compare you with you?

As my friend, mentor, and coach, Jennifer Barley recently blogged, luck is about “having intentions, aligning your actions, sending out the right kind of energy, leading with your heart, and being in the now.” The only thing I would add is it’s also letting go of comparing your success to anyone else’s.

Begin to reframe your journey. Look at and celebrate how far you have come. And if you’re not where you want to be, what is one small step you can take to begin moving in the direction you want to go? How does that begin to change your luck?

Together we can do it!

Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net

Wellness Tip of the Weekend

Aside

Wellness Tip of the Weekend: Making your self-care a priority enables you to do more for others. Being happier and healthier impacts everyone you meet.