Tag Archives: Responsibility

What Makes You Cranky?

Posted on by
11

One of the great things about being on vacation is that being cranky is such a contrast to where you want to be that those moments really stand out. Because they are so vivid, it’s easy to shift your thoughts and choose a different response.

It surprised me that I had a few cranky moments last week while my husband and I were celebrating our 20th anniversary on a five-day cruise. If there is ever a time to enjoy the ease and flow of life it’s when there is no cooking, no cleaning, no chores, no responsibilities, and an abundance of time, food, and fun things to do. What in the world is there to be cranky about?

The peaceful view in Jamaica

The good news is that observing myself having a cross-reaction under those ideal circumstances made me realize how often I must be doing that on a day-to-day basis without even being aware of it. It’s like I’m so used to the negative undertow that I don’t even realize I’m being carried along in its current.

I love having that awareness because now I can look for the subtle signs and can proactively shift to a more positive, anabolic energy.

Being late was one of my catabolic triggers. If there was a time we were supposed to be somewhere, my chances of crankiness increased. It didn’t matter if the threat was being late to dinner or missing the curfew for returning to the ship, my anxiety level was the same.

The reality is that I’m often late. I typically see this as my husband’s fault, but it’s just as likely that I’m the one who gets sidetracked or takes too long to get ready. This is not a characteristic I like in myself, so I’m quick to jump on David when I see the behavior in him.

And there absolutely should be a reactionary difference between being late to dinner and missing our ride home. One may have serious consequences, but the other does not, and shouldn’t be treated as a big deal.

Another cranky moment stemmed from David bringing a minimum of cash and no credit card ashore, which limited our options. Now did I take responsibility and pack some monetary means? Nope. I didn’t have a cent on me. It was much easier to criticize David for his lack of foresight rather than acknowledge my own culpability.

Paying attention to where you have a less-than-stellar reaction is a great way to rethink the situation and choose a different response in the future—and sometimes even in the moment.

Amazingly, when I let go of the money issue, David found an extra $10 in his pocket that was just the amount we needed.

My mantra for the remainder of the trip; “Everything is always working out for us.” And you know what? It was, and always is.

For me, it all boils down to letting go of control and trusting the experience and process, while at the same taking appropriate responsibility for my foibles, actions, and responses. My intention is to take this awareness forward and to be much more conscious of when I’m in a catabolic current, and choose a different response.

You get to decide how to react to everything that is happening around you. How can you respond a little differently today?

Together we can do it!

Look for the Solution

Posted on by
6

It used to be that when I had a problem, I talked to everyone about it. I hashed it and rehashed it, and asked everyone’s advice. What should I do?

Often, people would want me to do things that I really didn’t want to do, which created even more stress and struggle. Sometimes even making small decisions—like where to go to dinner—was laborious and emotionally draining. Typically when the time would come to make a decision, I still wouldn’t make one—which is in itself making a decision—and I would just let events and situations play out.

Talk about giving up all my personal power! It was a painful and unhappy way to live.

Part of the process of taking back my power was to stop talking about the problem. Talking about the problem can feel like we are looking for a solution, but truly it is just making that problem seem more stubborn and feel more insurmountable. You cannot see the solution while you are so intensely focused on the problem.

Shifting your focus to finding the solution takes energy away from the problem and opens your mind to possibilities that you would otherwise be blind to.

So how do you shift from focusing on the problem to focusing on the solution?

Being solution-focused is really being future-focused. You have to look away from “What was” and “What is,” and instead look towards “What will be,” and even more powerful, “How you would like it to be.”

Part of it is also trusting, believing, and knowing that there is always a solution to every problem. This is one of those Universal Truths that people don’t always believe because they are so problem-focused that they often miss the solutions, so they think there wasn’t one. Being solution-focused does take a certain amount of faith or confidence that the solution is there and that you will find it.

Taking responsibility for the choices and decisions you are making is another piece. For instance, if you want to reduce your weight, you have to take responsibility for the food you eat. While your eating can feel out of your control, it isn’t. No one else is forcing you to eat anything. Whether you are conscious of it or not, there is always a thought and emotion behind that action. Until you take responsibility for it, you give up your personal power.

And finally—and probably most challenging—is you have to stop looking outside of yourself for the answer. Sure you want to analyze data, understand the problem, and do your research, but people often get stuck in that analysis phase thinking the solution will magically appear. That’s still being focused on the problem. Once you have a good grip on it, turn your focus towards looking for the future-solution. This is when you want to stop asking other people for their opinions of what you should do.

Other people don’t know who you are, what your experiences have been, where you are on your path, and where you want to go. They know what they want and that is not the same thing.

This is where a coach is helpful. A well-trained coach is not going to give you advice, but instead is keenly aware that you have the answers for you, and helps you find them.

Your path is your path. No one else can walk it. When you take your focus off the problem and instead look for the solution, the absolute best step for you will become clear.

Together we can do it!

Photo by Evgeni Dinev / FreeDigitalPhotos.net