How to See Yourself as Sexworthy

A woman I work with was going to have her kids out of the house for the weekend and was planning to surprise romance her husband. But while she was getting dressed, she began criticizing her body.

She imagined her husband being as disgusted by her body as she was, and she felt unsexworthy.

The negative self-judgment was so painful that she wound up spending the evening crying alone in her bedroom.

I know that she is not the only one.

Many women who struggle with their weight avoid or turn down sex with their partners, or hide their bodies in the dark and under the covers.

They suffer from body shame.

Often, what is happening is you are so afraid of being judged and criticized by others that you heap on the self-abuse to the point that you shut down and shut off everything but the pain.

From this place of fear and despair it’s impossible to believe that anyone would find you attractive—or that you are worthy of another’s appreciation and love.

But the painful truth is that no one else was in that room with my client. No one else was heaping on criticism or telling her she was unattractive.

She was doing it to herself.

She never even gave her husband the chance to see her, comfort her, reassure her, and demonstrate to her how sexy he thinks she is and how much he loves her.

She took that opportunity away from him.

And the negative thoughts she attributed to him—without his input or knowledge—are now a belief about him that she is carrying around that will impact their relationship in subtle ways.

You have to feel lovable to be fully present and loving in a relationship.

Often, the fear of judgment is way, way worse than any criticism you may receive.

It’s time to break through this block of fear that is literally weighing you down.

One of the best ways to begin is to keep a judgment journal.

This exercise from Energy Leadership by Bruce Schneider calls for carrying around a small notebook or using the notes feature in your phone and jotting down every judgment you are aware of—about yourself or others.

You will quickly see just how often you are in judgment, and you can then ease up on your criticisms.

This self-awareness is extremely important when you consider the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction.

At its simplest, what this means is that when you are judging, you are attracting more opportunities to judge—and be judged. When you are loving, you are attracting more opportunities to love—and be loved.

What you think about yourself—and others—matters.

Begin to ease up on your self-criticism and examine your own judgments. When you see yourself—and others—as beautiful you change your perception of your body, relationships—and life.

You see yourself as sexworthy.

Together we can do it!

Choosing Thoughts of Love

Visiting with my brothers this past weekend.

I’m feeling the love.

This weekend—and this month really—I’ve had the awesome opportunity to reunite members of my family who hadn’t seen each other in close to 30 years. Just contemplating this fills my heart with love.

These reunions are making me even more aware of how important healthy relationships are to overall wellness. Expanding your circle of love and support taps you into positive anabolic energy that literally boosts your body at the cellular level.

But I’m also aware of the value of challenging relationships. As Esther Hicks says, “Every person with whom you interact is a part of the person you are becoming.”

What this means is that even the most challenging relationship gives us the opportunity to decide Who we’re going to be. Just because someone is withholding love from us doesn’t mean we have to withhold love from them.

And it is our decision to offer or withhold love that impacts our wellness—just as the other person’s decision to offer or withhold love impacts their wellness. It is what we are doing to ourselves that impacts us—not what the other person is doing “to us.”

This doesn’t mean that you have to maintain or stay in negative catabolic relationships. You can choose not to be a part of someone’s life, and still move towards forgiveness and even love in your own heart. You can value the opportunity to become more of the loving person you want to be.

Too often we give our power to other people. We think if they behave in X manner the only response is Y. By taking responsibility for your own reactions and choosing a different response—turning the other cheek—the wellness you impact is your own.

This can be particularly challenging when we judge another’s behavior to be “bad.” You may not be able to move from observing their “wrong” actions to loving them in an instant. In those circumstances, reframe your thoughts around the situation just enough so that you feel a sense of relief.

Let’s say someone cuts you off in traffic and instead of getting really angry, you remind yourself that this person isn’t intentionally making your life miserable. They don’t even know you. And perhaps you give them the benefit of the doubt by thinking, “Maybe they just broke up with someone and are upset, or they have a sick child that they’re rushing to get home.” Reach for whatever thought feels better to you. And then just keep doing that a little bit at a time.

Look for reasons to appreciate every interaction you have today. Consciously decide Who you want to become as a result of each encounter. Be more of the person you want to be.

Together we can do it!

Do You Need That to Be Healthful?

nour•ish \ˈnər-ish, ˈnə-rish\ verb

nour•ish•es; nour•ished; nour•ish•ing

[+ obj] 1 : to provide (someone or something) with food and other things that are needed to live, be healthy, etc.

▪ Plants are nourished [=fed] by rain and soil. ▪ Vitamins are added to the shampoo to nourish the hair. ▪ a well-nourished baby

2 : to cause (something) to develop or grow stronger

▪ a friendship nourished by trust ▪ Her parents nourished [=supported] her musical talent.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

How well-nourished are you? I’m not just asking about your diet, but am including your mind, emotions, and soul.

For many, nourishment may not be something they think about at all. For some, nutrition is what comes to mind. There are few of us who can claim to be well-nourished in all areas of our lives.

But if you think about the difference nourishing food can make to your body, just imagine what would happen if you also consciously nourished your mind with information, ideas, and even entertainment that enhanced your knowledge, awareness, and clarity?

Imagine nourishing relationships that are easy, loving, satisfying, and fun? Imagine nourishing spiritual practices that lead to richer, fuller, and more fulfilling life experiences? Imagine nourishing activities (such as work!) that are fun, interesting, and exciting?

What did you do yesterday? How much of that nourished you—body, mind, and spirit? How much of it drained or depleted you?

What are you doing today? How much of what you have on your to-do list is nourishing? What do your choices mean for the overall quality of your life? What choices would you need to make to be truly well-nourished?

Together we can do it!

Photo by Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wellness Tip of the Day

Aside

Wellness Tip of the Day: Nourishment is necessary not only for bodies, but for minds and spirit. Choose healthful information, relationships, activities, practices.

Wellness Tip of the Day

Aside

Wellness Tip of the Day: One of your most important relationships is with your body. Diet and exercise are important, but so are thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

What Are You Afraid Of?

“Every living thing—animal, human, or plant—experiences that which is called death, with no exception. Spirit, which is who-we-really-are, is Eternal. So what death must be is but a changing of the perspective of that Eternal Spirit. If you are standing in your physical body and consciously connected to that Spirit, then you are Eternal in nature and you need never fear any “endedness,” because, from that perspective, there is none. (You will never cease to be, for you are Eternal Consciousness.)”

Abraham as interpreted by Esther Hicks

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”

Robert H. Schuller

In Saturday’s blog, I wrote about the number one regret that people who were dying reported to Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. That regret? The wish that they’d had the courage to live life true to themselves and not the life others expected of them.

The biggest reason people don’t live true to themselves? Fear. Fear of failure, fear of what others will think, fear that they are less than Who they truly are.

As someone who spent a lot of my life buckled under the weight of that fear, I encourage you with all my being to throw it off.

That fear is a blindfold pulled over our collective eyes. It is not Truth.

The Truth is it is impossible to fail, because there can be no failure where there is learning and growth. And every experience is valuable.

The Truth is what others think does not matter. They do not—and cannot—know your heart. You have to search within to find that, and you are the only one who can know your heart fully.

The Truth is you cannot fail because your Spirit is Eternal. The point of life is living. There is no way to get it wrong.

Live life true to yourself.” This is the wisdom passed on to you by those who wished they had done things differently.

It means letting go of false beliefs about Who you are, what you are capable of, and what you deserve.

It means letting go of fear that does not serve you.

It means listening to your own heart.

It means having faith in your eternal nature.

Every moment of every day you are creating your life. Each decision either holds you in place or moves you towards the person you want to become—the person you are meant to be.

What is one small thing you can you do today to live life true to yourself? How does that make you feel? How much closer are you to being the person you want to become?

Together we can do it!

Be True to Yourself

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

According to an article in The Guardian, this is the number one regret that people who were dying reported to Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care treating patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.

With the clarity that comes with approaching death, Ware’s patients realized that not living their dreams was due to choices they had made—or not made.

They recognized they were in charge of their happiness.

If I asked you if you were in charge of your happiness, would you find that exhilarating, or feel compelled to tell me all the reasons you’re not?

Reasons such as:

  • “My Mom, spouse, partner, friends, etc., wouldn’t approve, or thinks I should do something different.”
  • “I’m afraid I’ll disappoint or hurt my Dad, spouse, partner, friends, etc.”
  • “I’m trapped in my current job or situation.”
  • “I don’t have the time, money, experience, etc.”
  • “I have too much to do.”
  • “My life is good enough as it is.”
  • “I might fail.”
  • “People will think I’m crazy.”
  • “I’m too old.”
  • “I’m too young.”
  • “I don’t know if that would really make me happy.”
  • “I might make the wrong choice.”

Your reason may be totally and completely valid for you. Just recognize that either consciously or by default, you are making a choice.

Are you making the choice that feels best to you? Are you making the choice that aligns with your goals, core values, and beliefs? Are you making the choice that is helping you be authentically you? Are you making the choice that when it’s time to look back on your life, you’ll feel good about making?

If you are making your decision based on how others might feel, think, or be impacted, you may be taking away their choices, too. For instance, if you’re afraid to leave your job, you may be keeping your employer from hiring someone who absolutely loves the job and has a passion for it.

This doesn’t mean that making a decision that impacts others is easy—or is the right decision—but by truly picking the path that is best for you, you also create new opportunities and options for the people around you. Making the choices that are best for you will enable others to make the best choices for them.

What is one small choice you can make today to live life true to yourself? What difference does that make in your life?

Together we can do it!