Tag Archives: Relationships

How to See Yourself as Sexworthy

Posted on by
9

A woman I work with was going to have her kids out of the house for the weekend and was planning to surprise romance her husband. But while she was getting dressed, she began criticizing her body.

She imagined her husband being as disgusted by her body as she was, and she felt unsexworthy.

The negative self-judgment was so painful that she wound up spending the evening crying alone in her bedroom.

I know that she is not the only one.

Many women who struggle with their weight avoid or turn down sex with their partners, or hide their bodies in the dark and under the covers.

They suffer from body shame.

Often, what is happening is you are so afraid of being judged and criticized by others that you heap on the self-abuse to the point that you shut down and shut off everything but the pain.

From this place of fear and despair it’s impossible to believe that anyone would find you attractive—or that you are worthy of another’s appreciation and love.

But the painful truth is that no one else was in that room with my client. No one else was heaping on criticism or telling her she was unattractive.

She was doing it to herself.

She never even gave her husband the chance to see her, comfort her, reassure her, and demonstrate to her how sexy he thinks she is and how much he loves her.

She took that opportunity away from him.

And the negative thoughts she attributed to him—without his input or knowledge—are now a belief about him that she is carrying around that will impact their relationship in subtle ways.

You have to feel lovable to be fully present and loving in a relationship.

Often, the fear of judgment is way, way worse than any criticism you may receive.

It’s time to break through this block of fear that is literally weighing you down.

One of the best ways to begin is to keep a judgment journal.

This exercise from Energy Leadership by Bruce Schneider calls for carrying around a small notebook or using the notes feature in your phone and jotting down every judgment you are aware of—about yourself or others.

You will quickly see just how often you are in judgment, and you can then ease up on your criticisms.

This self-awareness is extremely important when you consider the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction.

At its simplest, what this means is that when you are judging, you are attracting more opportunities to judge—and be judged. When you are loving, you are attracting more opportunities to love—and be loved.

What you think about yourself—and others—matters.

Begin to ease up on your self-criticism and examine your own judgments. When you see yourself—and others—as beautiful you change your perception of your body, relationships—and life.

You see yourself as sexworthy.

Together we can do it!

Choosing Thoughts of Love

Posted on by
9

Visiting with my brothers this past weekend.

I’m feeling the love.

This weekend—and this month really—I’ve had the awesome opportunity to reunite members of my family who hadn’t seen each other in close to 30 years. Just contemplating this fills my heart with love.

These reunions are making me even more aware of how important healthy relationships are to overall wellness. Expanding your circle of love and support taps you into positive anabolic energy that literally boosts your body at the cellular level.

But I’m also aware of the value of challenging relationships. As Esther Hicks says, “Every person with whom you interact is a part of the person you are becoming.”

What this means is that even the most challenging relationship gives us the opportunity to decide Who we’re going to be. Just because someone is withholding love from us doesn’t mean we have to withhold love from them.

And it is our decision to offer or withhold love that impacts our wellness—just as the other person’s decision to offer or withhold love impacts their wellness. It is what we are doing to ourselves that impacts us—not what the other person is doing “to us.”

This doesn’t mean that you have to maintain or stay in negative catabolic relationships. You can choose not to be a part of someone’s life, and still move towards forgiveness and even love in your own heart. You can value the opportunity to become more of the loving person you want to be.

Too often we give our power to other people. We think if they behave in X manner the only response is Y. By taking responsibility for your own reactions and choosing a different response—turning the other cheek—the wellness you impact is your own.

This can be particularly challenging when we judge another’s behavior to be “bad.” You may not be able to move from observing their “wrong” actions to loving them in an instant. In those circumstances, reframe your thoughts around the situation just enough so that you feel a sense of relief.

Let’s say someone cuts you off in traffic and instead of getting really angry, you remind yourself that this person isn’t intentionally making your life miserable. They don’t even know you. And perhaps you give them the benefit of the doubt by thinking, “Maybe they just broke up with someone and are upset, or they have a sick child that they’re rushing to get home.” Reach for whatever thought feels better to you. And then just keep doing that a little bit at a time.

Look for reasons to appreciate every interaction you have today. Consciously decide Who you want to become as a result of each encounter. Be more of the person you want to be.

Together we can do it!

Do You Need That to Be Healthful?

Posted on by
10

nour•ish \ˈnər-ish, ˈnə-rish\ verb

nour•ish•es; nour•ished; nour•ish•ing

[+ obj] 1 : to provide (someone or something) with food and other things that are needed to live, be healthy, etc.

▪ Plants are nourished [=fed] by rain and soil. ▪ Vitamins are added to the shampoo to nourish the hair. ▪ a well-nourished baby

2 : to cause (something) to develop or grow stronger

▪ a friendship nourished by trust ▪ Her parents nourished [=supported] her musical talent.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

How well-nourished are you? I’m not just asking about your diet, but am including your mind, emotions, and soul.

For many, nourishment may not be something they think about at all. For some, nutrition is what comes to mind. There are few of us who can claim to be well-nourished in all areas of our lives.

But if you think about the difference nourishing food can make to your body, just imagine what would happen if you also consciously nourished your mind with information, ideas, and even entertainment that enhanced your knowledge, awareness, and clarity?

Imagine nourishing relationships that are easy, loving, satisfying, and fun? Imagine nourishing spiritual practices that lead to richer, fuller, and more fulfilling life experiences? Imagine nourishing activities (such as work!) that are fun, interesting, and exciting?

What did you do yesterday? How much of that nourished you—body, mind, and spirit? How much of it drained or depleted you?

What are you doing today? How much of what you have on your to-do list is nourishing? What do your choices mean for the overall quality of your life? What choices would you need to make to be truly well-nourished?

Together we can do it!

Photo by Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wellness Tip of the Day

Aside

Wellness Tip of the Day: Nourishment is necessary not only for bodies, but for minds and spirit. Choose healthful information, relationships, activities, practices.

Wellness Tip of the Day

Aside

Wellness Tip of the Day: One of your most important relationships is with your body. Diet and exercise are important, but so are thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

What Are You Afraid Of?

Posted on by
14

“Every living thing—animal, human, or plant—experiences that which is called death, with no exception. Spirit, which is who-we-really-are, is Eternal. So what death must be is but a changing of the perspective of that Eternal Spirit. If you are standing in your physical body and consciously connected to that Spirit, then you are Eternal in nature and you need never fear any “endedness,” because, from that perspective, there is none. (You will never cease to be, for you are Eternal Consciousness.)”

Abraham as interpreted by Esther Hicks

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”

Robert H. Schuller

In Saturday’s blog, I wrote about the number one regret that people who were dying reported to Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. That regret? The wish that they’d had the courage to live life true to themselves and not the life others expected of them.

The biggest reason people don’t live true to themselves? Fear. Fear of failure, fear of what others will think, fear that they are less than Who they truly are.

As someone who spent a lot of my life buckled under the weight of that fear, I encourage you with all my being to throw it off.

That fear is a blindfold pulled over our collective eyes. It is not Truth.

The Truth is it is impossible to fail, because there can be no failure where there is learning and growth. And every experience is valuable.

The Truth is what others think does not matter. They do not—and cannot—know your heart. You have to search within to find that, and you are the only one who can know your heart fully.

The Truth is you cannot fail because your Spirit is Eternal. The point of life is living. There is no way to get it wrong.

“Live life true to yourself.” This is the wisdom passed on to you by those who wished they had done things differently.

It means letting go of false beliefs about Who you are, what you are capable of, and what you deserve.

It means letting go of fear that does not serve you.

It means listening to your own heart.

It means having faith in your eternal nature.

Every moment of every day you are creating your life. Each decision either holds you in place or moves you towards the person you want to become—the person you are meant to be.

What is one small thing you can you do today to live life true to yourself? How does that make you feel? How much closer are you to being the person you want to become?

Together we can do it!

Be True to Yourself

Posted on by
10

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

According to an article in The Guardian, this is the number one regret that people who were dying reported to Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care treating patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.

With the clarity that comes with approaching death, Ware’s patients realized that not living their dreams was due to choices they had made—or not made.

They recognized they were in charge of their happiness.

If I asked you if you were in charge of your happiness, would you find that exhilarating, or feel compelled to tell me all the reasons you’re not?

Reasons such as:

  • “My Mom, spouse, partner, friends, etc., wouldn’t approve, or thinks I should do something different.”
  • “I’m afraid I’ll disappoint or hurt my Dad, spouse, partner, friends, etc.”
  • “I’m trapped in my current job or situation.”
  • “I don’t have the time, money, experience, etc.”
  • “I have too much to do.”
  • “My life is good enough as it is.”
  • “I might fail.”
  • “People will think I’m crazy.”
  • “I’m too old.”
  • “I’m too young.”
  • “I don’t know if that would really make me happy.”
  • “I might make the wrong choice.”

Your reason may be totally and completely valid for you. Just recognize that either consciously or by default, you are making a choice.

Are you making the choice that feels best to you? Are you making the choice that aligns with your goals, core values, and beliefs? Are you making the choice that is helping you be authentically you? Are you making the choice that when it’s time to look back on your life, you’ll feel good about making?

If you are making your decision based on how others might feel, think, or be impacted, you may be taking away their choices, too. For instance, if you’re afraid to leave your job, you may be keeping your employer from hiring someone who absolutely loves the job and has a passion for it.

This doesn’t mean that making a decision that impacts others is easy—or is the right decision—but by truly picking the path that is best for you, you also create new opportunities and options for the people around you. Making the choices that are best for you will enable others to make the best choices for them.

What is one small choice you can make today to live life true to yourself? What difference does that make in your life?

Together we can do it!

 

Link

We all know that stress has an impact on our health, relationships, and general wellbeing, but what is stress and what, if anything, can we do about it? As I’m headed out of town for the weekend, I wanted to share a recent blog that Leadership and Parent Coach Diane Dempster wrote for the Impact ADHD Parenting Community that shares some great information on what stress is, how it impacts us, and how to manage it.

 

The other day, while I was preparing the presentation for an upcoming event, I began to notice an interesting and familiar phenomenon. I started to get a little anxious! Before I knew it, I was over-thinking, over-trying and over-doing. Ultimately, I got to the last minute before my deadline and sti…

How Do You Envision Your Life?

Posted on by
12

I have spent the morning envisioning my future, and it is good.

This is part of an assignment for a workshop I am taking with my mentor coach, the fabulous Jennifer Barley. While I’ve done visioning exercises in the past that have been powerful, this time it feels even more profound and freeing. But I expect even this vision will expand and evolve as I do, because life is a continuous growing process.

Visioning is simple in that you are envisioning the life that you want to live. The challenge is that often people are unknowingly focused on what they don’t want. Anything that has “not” or “don’t” in front of it is focused on what you don’t want. For instance, “I don’t want to be fat” is still focused on fat. “I don’t want to be in debt” is still focused on debt.

What you’re really saying is that you want to be fit, strong, and lean. You want to be financially free.

Visioning can be words or images (think vision board)—whatever evokes the feeling you want your life to generate. The more fully you can paint this picture in your mind by incorporating all the physical senses, the more powerful it is.

Ultimately you want your vision to give your life direction and to inspire action. And when you take into account the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction, it makes sense to as clearly as possible put your focus on what you want.

Interestingly, what I did with this vision is actually get away from specific directives, such as “I want this amount of money by this date.” Instead I described the essence of what I want, which makes my goal feel much more believable. For instance, many of the women I work with have a hard time looking at themselves in the mirror and saying, “I am beautiful.” It just feels like a lie. They can’t allow themselves to feel or believe it. That internal struggle really isn’t helpful when you are trying to envision the life that you want to live. So anytime I felt even the hint of resistance in myself, I tweaked the wording until I could fully embrace it.

I also did sort of a combination vision statement and vision board by incorporating images alongside my vision statements that help me tap into the emotion and detail I want. Because many of the images are things I don’t have the authority to share over the internet, I can’t show you the finished piece, which is now printed out on ledger paper and posted on the wall in front of my computer. I also incorporated color and formatting that I’m not including here.

My intention with sharing my vision statement is to help you think about yours. How do you want your body, mind, spiritual connection, relationships, work, and any other element of life to be in the future? How can you connect with your vision on a daily basis? What kind of impact does that have on your life?

Together we can do it!

I Am Free to Be Me ♦ I Am in Love With Life ♦ I Am Joy ♦ I Am Love ♦ I Am Clarity

I Am Fun ♦ I Am Laughter ♦ I Am Inspiring ♦ I Am Powerful ♦ I Am Intention ♦ I Am Present

I Am Whole ♦ I Am Conscious ♦ I Am Authentic ♦ I Am Natural ♦ I Am Ease ♦ I Am Fulfilled

♦ I Am Appreciation ♦

Spirit

My Spiritual connection is intentional, constant, and clear. I use my emotions to guide me to an ever-growing, richer, fuller, and more fulfilling life-experience. I am whole and in-tune with my Higher-Self. I am delighted and enchanted with my life as it is unfolding. More and more moments feel like sheer magic. I am Who I intend and I am in love with life. My heart overflows with appreciation.

Body

I love and appreciate my strong, lean, and powerful body that is functioning optimally and fully allows me to express my authentic best. I naturally and intentionally gravitate to delicious, high-energy foods that I savor. I love moving my body with intention and intensity. I naturally give my body attention, care, and nourishment.

Mind

My mind is nourished, strong, and expanding. I naturally gravitate to information, ideas, and even entertainment that enhances my knowledge, awareness, clarity, and consciousness. Learning is natural and fun.

Relationships

My relationship is easy, loving, satisfying, and fun. Together we are positive, dynamic, heart-centered, and living in the moment. We explore, engage- and connect-with, expand, and enjoy each other and life. We share on all levels—mind, body, and spirit. We give each other the freedom to fully explore and create our best selves. We listen with our whole hearts, often have moments where we laugh until we cry, and support each other unconditionally. We have open, loving, deep, and honest communication. Together we fully express our love physically—making love, a caress, a hug, holding hands, a touch in passing.

My animal and human family knows they are loved and adored. With them, I am present, heart-centered, and intuitive. We are connected and in-tune. We hear and acknowledge each other fully. We have fun together.

Career

I am inspiring myself and more people than I ever imagined. My remembering and connecting-with Who-I-Truly-Am is a beacon guiding others towards their healthiest and Highest Selves, and their brightening lights serve to expand my own understanding and clarity, which continues to inspire myself and others. We share an ever-expanding circle of growth, clarity, connection, and inspiration. The energy and value that I share in my coaching and the words that I speak and write magnetically attracts an abundant income. I am financially free.

Home

My home is a comfortable and elegant space where things feel loving and easy. It is filled with positive energy, sunlight, life, and colors that I love. I have space dedicated to my body, space dedicated to my mind, space dedicated to my career, space dedicated to my soul, and space dedicated to the people and animals I love. The beautiful view connects me to nature and to Source, and there are many comfortable and easy-to-be spaces indoors and out that help me enjoy that connection to the fullest. My home is filled with love, laughter, beauty, and joy.

Fun

I am having fun playing indoors and out. I am listening to music, watching fun, uplifting, and inspiring TV, movies, and plays, and am reading books that fill my heart with joy. I am hiking, biking, walking, picnicking and otherwise connecting with nature. I am traveling, exploring and loving this fun, interesting, vibrant, and exciting world. Wonderful anabolic friends are connected with everywhere I go and we enrich each other’s lives.

I Am Intentional ♦ I Am Constant ♦ I Am Clear

Photo by Witthaya Phonsawat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Focus on the Feeling

Posted on by
6

I want to be thin right now.

I want to have that new job or career right now.

I want a better relationship right now.

Often, when we are ready to make a change, we are impatient to have it. We want it right now.

What if that feeling of impatience was actually slowing the process of you getting what you want?

It’s confusing because we feel like we’re focused on what we want, but that feeling of impatience—or yearning—is really letting us know that we’re more focused on the fact that we aren’t thin right now, or that our current job, relationship, or whatever it is that we want, stinks.

Regardless of where your focus is, how likely is it that the new and improved version of what you want is going to materialize instantly? If the problem didn’t show up overnight, it’s not likely that the solution will be instantaneous either.

But what if you could have the feeling of that new thing right now?

We typically want those new things because of how we will feel when we have them. We often tell ourselves, “When I am thin, have that new job, or better relationship, then I can be happy.”

Maybe you can’t instantly have the thing you want, but if you allow it, you can instantly have the feeling that the thing you want will give you.

When you think about the foundation principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction, then it makes sense that the energy from yearning would attract more of the situation that is creating the yearning. The energy from the feeling you are ultimately trying to attain attracts more situations that create that feeling.

Take a moment to think about how being thin or having that new job or relationship—or whatever it is you want—would make you feel. What can you do to feel that way right now?

Think about other things that give you that feeling, and practice that feeling as much as possible. Doing that will support you on your journey towards creating that new situation, rather than holding you back.

Together we can do it!

Photo by Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net