Tag Archives: React vs Respond

How Do You Want to Respond?

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Woo hoo! Yesterday I had an immediate negative catabolic reaction to a situation!

Why is that something to celebrate? Because it lets me know where I have some inaccurate thinking going on that does not align with Who I truly am. By recognizing it for what it is, I now have the opportunity to shift my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs so that the next time I am in a similar situation I can choose to respond instead of react.

Each time we align a little more closely with Who we really are, we are happier, more joyful, have more fun, laugh more, stay more relaxed, and love more. In other words, the more we master our thoughts and reactions, the better our life gets.

Typically, that sort of instant negative reaction is due to how you interpret the situation—quite possibly inaccurately. This is one of the big blocks to creating the life of your dreams.

When you catch yourself jumping to a conclusion that shoots your blood pressure up, the best thing to do is Stop! Don’t take any action.

Unfortunately, I had a colleague call right at the moment of ignition and I spewed negative energy into his ear. Not the gift I was intending! Fortunately, when I called back to apologize, he was very understanding, but speaking from experience, it’s much better to avoid that in the first place.

When you can successfully hit the pause button, take a moment to breathe. When you feel yourself calm down a little, ask yourself, “What just caused that reaction?”

For me, some of my core values are connecting to others, creativity, and freedom. I had two situations in two days that I interpreted as challenging those values.

The next question to ask yourself is, “What is really going on here?” or “What’s another way to interpret the situation?”

In my case, I think we’re all getting caught up in the stress of some deadlines, which is leading to miscommunication. And boy do I know I have some issues around deadlines.

How can I react differently in the future?

I will cut my colleagues some slack and recognize that they are doing the absolute best that they can in the situation. I will seek to clarify the situation, and to improve my level of communication. And I will remember the Foundation Principle that “There Are No Mistakes,” take a moment to reconnect with Source (God, the Universe, All-That-Is, Higher Coach, whatever works for you), and remember that everything is always working out for me.

The next time you have an instant negative reaction, how can you let it be an “aha” moment reminding you to stop, breathe, and examine your underlying thoughts and interpretations? What can you plan to do differently so the next time it happens, you show up more as Who you truly are?

Together we can do it!

Photo by foto76 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stay Authentic

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Do you change how you act when you are around others in order to receive their approval? One of the things that I am focusing on in my own personal development is showing up as authentically me regardless of the people or situation.

That doesn’t mean that I have to spew my opinions or be challenging if we have differences. Truly, it’s just the opposite. The authentic me is loving and accepting. The authentic me sees my value–and the value in each person and each situation. The authentic me knows that there are no mistakes and that the diversity of people and opinions is what makes the world go round. The authentic me knows that speaking my truth with ease and grace will be a gift to others—even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment.

But if I am acting out of anger, frustration, fear, judgment, or condemnation, I’m not being authentically me, and that is when it’s best to keep quiet.

The onus is on me to stay connected to my Higher Self and to pay attention if I am coming from a place of love or a place of anger, a place of appreciation or a place of fear. If I am being authentically me, or if I am seeking the other person’s approval.

One way for me to maintain my connection to my Higher Self in relationships—particularly if we have a history of pushing each other’s buttons—is to actively focus on all the good qualities of the other person. To literally practice seeing them in the best light before we see each other. I might literally create a list of all the things about the other person that I appreciate, and read and add to it every day.

It’s also helpful to practice a visualization where I see myself bathed in a golden light that feels like joy and love, and then to expand that light to include other people. First I might extend the light to the people I love and get along with easily. As the light grows brighter and more powerful, I can then more easily expand it to include more challenging people or people I feel the need to please.

Today is day eight of my Gratitude Challenge and the assignment is to send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition. This is another great exercise for shifting how I show up in a relationship.

We often think that it’s the other person who needs to change so that we can get along or get the approval we want, but we are contributing just as much to the difficult dynamics. By practicing appreciation we show up differently. Our expectations are a little different and we may not be so quick to judge, take offense, or alter our behavior.

The only person you can control is you. Choose now how you want to show up during your next encounter with that particular person, and practice shifting your thoughts and focus. Practicing your appreciation now makes it easier to show up authentically later.

If you do find yourself sliding into old patterns, you can take a few deep breaths, or literally remove yourself from the situation. Go to the bathroom, or step out onto the porch. If you need to, go for a walk around the block. Do what you can to reconnect and find some relief.

And if you do react in a less than positive way, the primary thing to do is forgive yourself. You don’t have to be perfect. Pick yourself up and keep practicing being the best possible version of you so you show up differently the next time.

Together we can do it!

Respond a Little Differently

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I have a lot of fulfilling things going on in my life right now. And all of them had a deadline of being done before I head out of town today for an intensive weekend of coach training.

In the past, this would have totally stressed me out. I would have spent a lot of time and energy fretting, worrying, and complaining. The thing is, none of those reactions would have supported my getting everything done. They actually would have robbed me of the focus, clarity, and energy that I’ve harnessed to move in the direction I really wanted to go.

Sure I’ve had moments where I felt overwhelmed, but I have taken them as the opportunity to focus on the fact that I can do this and to remember that I am capable, confident, energetic, empowered, and engaged.

I’ve also relied on my faith that I am supported by the Source and Creator of everything in the Universe! That’s a pretty awesome support system to have on your side. What’s everything on my to-do list compared with creating a system of planets that moves in perfect proximity? To the sun rising every day?

With that love and energy flowing through me, I truly can do anything. And so can you.

Together we can do it!

Have a Good Day!

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I have a friend whose husband died unexpectedly while they were getting ready for work one morning. He literally died in her arms. Not long after, I asked how she was doing. “I’m having a few bad moments in otherwise good days,” was her response.

That struck me not only in the heart, but in the head. If she wasn’t allowing the sudden and traumatic death of her husband to bring her down, than what excuse did I have for responding badly to anything going on in my life?

The lesson for me was that life happens. What we judge to be good—and bad. Taking control of our life and creating the life of our dreams doesn’t mean we will never experience difficult situations. What it means is that we will see those situations differently and will choose our responses rather than just reacting.

You have the power to have a few bad moments in an otherwise good day—no matter what is going on in your life—or you can focus so much on that bad thing that you have a terrible day.

Now that you know you have a choice, what kind of day are you going to have?

Together we can do it!