The Non-Negotiable Key to Success

While I’m in Sedona, Arizona, attending a business mastermind retreat, I’ve asked a few fabulous coaches to step in with blogs. Today’s guest blog is by Denise Hedges. While Denise is a business development coach and marketing strategist, her insight on mindset absolutely applies to weight loss. 

I can tell within 10 to 15 minutes. It’s so obvious.

I’ve coached a lot of people, and the contrasts between them is striking, but nothing has more influence over how successful they’ll be and how rapidly they progress than one particular factor.

From this one aspect, I can tell if they’re going to proceed normally toward getting what they want … facing just the usual challenges of life and business … or they’re really going to struggle. What is that?

I can focus it and personalize it best by asking a question.

How much time and energy do you spend arguing for your limitations?

In other words, how much of the conversation you have with yourself in your head, not to mention with others, sounds like: I can’t do this … that’s impossible … nothing’s gonna work … it’s all too hard … I don’t deserve it?

Sound familiar? Well, that’s where the contrast occurs. Really successful, happy people don’t do this.

Look, most of us do at least a little bit of this on a bad day. I get that, but what I’m talking about here is a habitual, reflexive pattern of approaching life this way. Warning: It’s not a harmless indulgence. It’s toxic … to you and your dreams.

The quality of your internal communication matters more than anything, because it’s so absolutely fundamental. If it’s reflexively negative, not only can you not run at full speed, you can’t even really get out of the starting blocks, because you don’t really believe good things are possible for you. That’s a bad place to be.

And if you want to get out of that bad place and get on with the business of having what you want, that’s where you have to go to work first.

It can be a challenge for me as a coach, because most people want to get on with making plans and creating strategies, thinking that strategizing and taking action is what’s going to make them successful where they haven’t been successful before.

These things won’t help if the dialogue in your head is negative, resistant, and blocking. They’ll only help if the path of possibility is open.

And it doesn’t even have to be wide open. What matters is not so much that someone is blazingly optimistic or free of doubt or fear, it’s just that there’s an absence of the quicksand that is self-defeating self-talk.

Simply put, just don’t erect your own roadblocks and when you do encounter real ones, don’t amplify them, and you’ll be fine.

Now, please, please, please don’t think this is some kind of holier than thou message. Ha! Hardly. I grew up negative. If there were an Olympic event for embracing negativity to the fullest, my family would have taken the gold!

And don’t think that if you’re currently disposed to thinking this way that you’re doomed. It just means that before you can make serious progress toward your goals, you have to transform your mindset.

I’m here to testify that it can be done.

A year after my husband died, a friend who was truly concerned about me gave me a book by Louise Hay … You Can Heal Your Life. I read it and then read it again … every day, sometimes several times a day. I realized I had to reset my default state of mind. I took it on as a project, as if my life depended on it … because it did!

The key is consistency. You can’t just read a book once and be done. It’s about consistently taking in the message and internalizing it.

Two years later, I was talking with another good friend in my car and she volunteered out of the blue that I was “the most positive person she knew.” I almost drove off the road! Confirmation!

Do I still have to work at it? Yeah, each and every day.

Okay, so what do you do if you’ve identified yourself as a negative self-talker who argues for your limitations and you want to change the default state?

Here are some terrific books and CDs that’ll help:

Ask and It Is Given – Esther and Jerry Hicks

Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting – Lynn Grabhorn

Wishcraft…How to Get What You Really Want – Barbara Sher

The Attractor Factor – Joe Vitale

You Can Heal Your Life – Louise Hay

decide ~ believe ~ dream & The Power of Attraction – Denise Hedges

Success in anything starts between your ears. The trick is to make sure what’s in there is empowering.

All the best,


Denise Hedges is a business development coach and marketing strategist with over 25 years experience in sales and marketing. As the co-founder of Business BreakThrough Institute, she’s created the world’s foremost attraction-based sales and marketing system. Denise specializes in working with women business owners, helping them move past any doubt or uncertainty about sales and marketing, attract more clients and customers, and make more money!

Denise is a Professional Certified Coach and a member of the Coach University Faculty, training personal and business coaches all over the world.

Check out her website at:

Are you struggling with your weight?

Are you worried about holiday weight gain?

Are you ready to get the body you really want?

I have 2 coaching spaces open to help you love your way slim. If you are serious about transforming your mind and body so that:

  • You create the holidays you really want and never feel deprived.
  • You start the New Year energized and feeling fabulous.
  • You break the cycle of losing and regaining weight—once and for all.

Secure your spot now by emailing me at by November 11 to schedule your complimentary breakthrough session. These powerful and empowering sessions are available on a limited basis.

Don’t wait till Jan 2 to take inspired action. Start creating the body—and life—you want today.


Three Tips for Living Lean

When a woman makes the decision to lose weight, often she wants the change effective immediately.

It’s the mindset of, “I want to be a size 4 and I want it today.”

This impatience is really being focused on the fact that you don’t have what you want, which means you are fighting the forces of the Universe and will struggle to lose weight.

What does it really matter if it takes a little time to achieve your goal? It’s the pain factor, right?

It’s looking in the mirror everyday and suffering from body shame. It’s feeling deprived as you turn down that piece of chocolate cake while everybody else digs in. It’s dreading the dressing room and trying on 50 swimsuits to find one that you might be willing to wear in public. It’s the risk of having your partner see you as unsex-worthy because of your sagging stomach.

You want to just wave a magic wand and make it all go away.

These thoughts are all symptoms of what has caused you to gain weight in the first place. At their heart is the fear of judgment and a lack of self-love. This is why so many diets and exercise programs fail. For lasting results, you have to change your core thoughts and beliefs along with eating healthy foods and moving your body.

Here are three tips to let go of the thoughts that keep you from living lean.

  • Focus on a body part you can appreciate. How often do you look in the mirror and criticize your stomach, butt, or thighs? When you catch yourself doing this, shift your attention to something you can compliment. Maybe it’s your hair, your ankles, or your fingernails. Just find something you can consistently shift your focus to and praise.
  • Make peace with the process. You didn’t gain the weight overnight, and you won’t lose it overnight. Recognize that life is meant to be lived and this includes living the experience of losing weight. Choose an eating and exercise program that you actually enjoy and that gives you some flexibility.
  • Celebrate your daily progress. Did you eat on plan today? Woo hoo! Did you choose an apple over pie? Awesome! Did you walk five minutes longer than the day before? Fabulous! Focus on all the things you are doing right and ignore the rest.

What can you do today to begin shifting from wanting immediate results to thrilling in moving towards your dream?

Together we can do it!

Take Back Control

I wasn’t the best possible version of myself last week. Suffice it to say that my being physically and mentally tired is a prime opportunity for me to take my Gremlin’s trash-talk seriously. By Saturday, my inner-two-year-old was in full control and I literally threw a temper-tantrum. (Sorry about that Honey!)

The good news is I knew it was time to take back control. Not only did I get plenty of rest over the weekend, but I spent a good part of yesterday meditating and reconnecting with my Higher Self.

If I was a computer, it would have been the equivalent of rebooting.

One of the insights I had was that I had slipped into looking outside myself for confirmation of my progress and success.

This is exactly how so many of us get in our own way of creating the life of our dreams.

The only true barometer of success is how you feel.

Positive anabolic emotion is your notice confirming that you are inviting the Universe (God, Source Energy, All-That-Is, Higher Coach—whatever works for you) to work miracles on your behalf.

You only have to look to your body for physical evidence of the power of this energy. Anabolic energy generates positive chemical processes that literally rebuilds cells and generates cell-to-cell communication that facilitates healing and optimal health.

Negative catabolic emotion is your shut-off notice. It’s the message from the Ultimate Power Source that you have cut off service. It’s your declaration that you are going to go it alone.

Catabolic energy generates stress hormones that literally attack and destroy your cells and immune system. Chronic catabolic energy can lead to heart-disease and stroke, and other serious illness.

Most of us are so conditioned to catabolic emotions that we’re not even aware that what we’re focused on is generating negative emotion. If we were—and truly understood what it was doing to our body, minds, and spirit—we would shift our focus pronto. But we’ve gotten used to it. It feels normal. As a result, we’re confused when our bodies start screaming at us to change our focus and we take an aspirin instead.

And it can be easy to fall back into those patterns. I was doing it last week. When my Gremlin started telling me I wasn’t good enough, instead of thanking it for it’s input and sticking to what I know is true, I started focusing on what’s missing from my life and what I was doing “wrong.” I was beating myself up for things that are outside of my control, which made it that much harder to move forward on the things that I can control, and I got caught up in that negative spiral that just feeds on itself.

This is why being focused on your goals is tricky. If you are focused on them with confidence and knowing that your success is already a done-deal, get out of the way! You’re leveraging the power of All-That-Is on your behalf. But most of us focus on our goals and notice that we don’t have them, yet, and that they’re hard to achieve. We spend a lot of time looking for signs that we’re making progress, only to get frustrated and discouraged when they don’t come fast enough.

If you stop and notice how those two perspective’s feel you can detect the anabolic and catabolic energy. Being in catabolic energy doesn’t mean you won’t meet your goals, but it means you’re picking the much harder road, and the journey will take a significant toll on your body, mind, and spirit.

So we can meet our goals and consistently feel good and supported, or we can meet our goals and consistently feel tired and frustrated, and like the Universe is out to get us.

I don’t know about you, but I choose to feel good!

Together we can do it!

Photo by markuso /



Accountability for December 21, 2011

After falling into the cookies, on December 20, I committed to being accountable through the New Year to you fabulous readers about my diet and exercise as I recover from surgery.

Day 2 of no cookies! I was craving chocolate twice, but knowing that I would have to report it to you all, I instead chose a small grapefruit and an apple. Win!

Was not a low-calorie day as we ate lasagna that a friend brought over, which we thoroughly enjoyed and David appreciated not having to cook! Another friend brought over orzo with feta and pine nuts, which I had for lunch. I am basking in the love of my friends!

I did get in my four doctor-prescribed walks—even bumped up my time and incline a bit, so I’m doing well on the exercise.

Another day of progress!



Accountability for December 20, 2011

Yesterday, I committed to being accountable for the next two weeks to you fabulous readers about my diet and exercise as I recover from surgery.

The good news is no cookies! But my inner toddler did throw a tantrum at one point and I ate an unplanned grapefruit (yes, the whole thing) and 2 tbsp of cashews. But it was much more nutritious than cookies, so I will take it! Also was not a low-calorie day as a friend brought over pot roast and lasagna so my husband wouldn’t have to cook for the next two nights. (Do I have the best friends, or what?) There were many yummy sounds coming from our house last night.

I did get in my four walks and also walked the dogs (I survived!), so I’m doing well on the doctor prescribed exercise.

I wasn’t perfect, but it was definitely a day of progress.