Beyond Tragedy: A Wake Up Call

Many people are emotionally reeling from the events that happened Friday in Connecticut.

In yesterday’s blog, I shared my deeply personal story about the self-healing power of forgiveness—even if we belief the actions of someone are unforgivable.

Today, I wanted to share a blog written by my coach, Kendra Thornbury, that outlines how to move forward and create meaning during this challenging time.

While these steps are particularly powerful right now, many of these are the same steps you will need to take to clear any internal blocks—including those that are keeping you from getting the body you want.

Love Yourself

There’s a deep cry that will likely go unheard and get lost in the reactions to the shooting.

It’s the cry of the shooter. As horid as his actions were, to not look to the cause of such actions isirresponsible and, frankly, a disgrace to the lives that were lost.

It’s imperative to recognize that what transpired is an outcome of a systemic problem. The awful outcry is a demonstration of fear based beliefs gone totally out of control.

How do we move forward? How can we create meaning from this?

It begins with accepting responsibility for how we each play a part in creating our world.

This means…

  • Take full responsibility for being an empowered, whole, at-choice member of our human family.
  • No longer tolerate the kinds of choices and behaviors, even on a small scale, that lead to such eruptions.
  • Raise your standards.

It starts with you.

1) Eradicate the violence toward yourself.

The truth is that most of us commit acts of violence toward our selves almost every day.

  • You talk negatively, even violently, to yourself.
  • You judge yourself.
  • You tolerate less than the ideal.
  • You put up with stress & anxiety.
  • You engage depleting habits.
  • You ignore your soul’s desires.
  • You dismiss your dreams.
  • You eat processed & non-nutrient dense food.
  • You abuse your body.
  • You resign to relationships that aren’t an honorable match.
  • You live in fear.

Commit to be a co-creator of peace by stopping any and all acts of violence toward yourself!

First, GET REAL about how you are violent within yourself.

What acts of violence do you carry out toward yourself each day?

What critical, condemning thoughts do you repeat about yourself?

What habits do you allow that are less than loving (if not abusive) to your body?

What choices to you make that suck the life from your soul?

Then, DECIDE you are worth more.

Lastly, CHOOSE to replace the old beliefs & habits with loving and peaceful ones. Nothing less will do!

2) Integrate Your Shadow.

We all have parts.

I am devoted, on purpose and generous.

I am also self-serving, lazy and protective.

Our complexity and dimensions are vast. Yet we all walk around pretending to be “perfect”, keeping up the persona we believe we need to keep in order to belong.

When parts of you that you deem as being unworthy go unacknowledged or unexpressed, they go “underground”.

(These can be parts of you that you are embarrassed or ashamed of.)

What happens is that they become unconscious, shadow aspects. And rather than going away (which you are trying to make them do), they end up running you.

What you run from runs you.

My appeal to you is to get radically honest about your shadow parts and learn to accept and integrate them. As Debbie Ford says, shadows teach us that there is gold to be mined in every experience.

3) Make It Sacred To Feel.

The oppression of emotion DOES NOT WORK. Our emotional intelligence system has been relegated to a weak place. We’ve collectively dismissed emotions, resulting in unconconscious and destructive behaviors. (The Shadow)

It’s natural to feel. Yet every day we deny feelings exist.

My invitation to you is to make it sacred to feel. Choose to hold emotions with reverence and respect.

This is what I’ve done. And in the last 5 days I’ve allowed a spectrum of emotions to move through me. Without this, I would go crazy. I would be boiling just beneath the surface, vulnerable to burst at any unpredictable moment.

surrender to my feelings and let them inform me of a richer reality that does not exist when I pretend and numb out.

After you choose to make your feelings sacred, learn how to be with, express and manage them in a healthy and constructive way.

4) Own Your Projections.

Here’s the “not-so-pretty” way of getting to the point here. People are barfing their stuff on each other all the time.

Mostly we believe it’s “justified” because we feel hurt or victimized by what another says or does. But really, it’s time to grow up and recognize that NO ONE is responsible for our reality.

The truth is that you are powerful and you are the creator.

So stop making others’ responsible for how you feel and what results you get and take charge of reality.

5) Forgive.

It’s time.

Built up resentment and anger is toxic.

The wounds. The betrayal. What he did. What she didn’t do. How you were wronged. The love you didn’t get. The hurts that happened 10, 20, 30 years ago.

Let it go.

Receive the lesson.

And let it go.

6) Love More.

It all comes down to love.

The challenges I pose to you above are ultimately acts of self-love.

And in loving yourself, you will naturally and readily extend the unconditional and heart-centered attention that our people and planet are in such desperate need of right now.

KendraKendra E Thornbry, MA, is an international highly acclaimed coach, spiritual guide, speaker, facilitator, humanitarian and entrepreneur. She’s on the cutting edge of spiritual thought and conscious business practice, blazing a new trail & wealth revolution.

She has served as a board member for the Women’s Business Exchange, Woman’s Way Red Lodge and has been President for the Washington Chapter of the International Coaching Federation.

A personal growth junkie, Kendra’s latest adventures in challenging the status quo include packing her belongings in storage and travelling for 16 months (and still counting).

Labels aside, she considers herself a human being simply doing her best to walk a path of authenticity and integrity while making a much-needed difference.

You can sign up for Kendra’s blog at


My blog is moving to my new website To keep following my posts after January 15, you will need to follow my new blog. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!

Change Your Beliefs to Get the Body You Want

One of the first indications that that I’m feeling overwhelmed is a tired, fuzzy feeling behind my eyes.

I was feeling this last Sunday at the end of an intensive VIP day with my fabulous coach, Kendra Thornbury, where we laid out my business plan for the year.

When I shared with her that I was feeling overwhelmed, her response provided an “Ah-Ha” moment.

“That is an old belief that this needs to be overwhelming.”

And she was right!

Having a plan of action could have been exciting. It could have provided a sense of relief. It could have given me hope for the future of my business.

As soon as I realized I could choose a different response, I felt my energy shift and that fuzzy feeling drained away.

I had a similar experience later in the middle of the night. Kendra and I had worked through a lot of fear and intense emotions that had come up for me as we put together a plan that would significantly take me out of my comfort zone. And I had a long day of travel the next day that wouldn’t get me home until the wee hours of Tuesday morning.

There was a tickle in my throat and I was worrying about getting sick.


I realized this was an old belief I had about the physical impact of releasing intense emotion. As soon as I realized that, again I felt the energy shift and a sense of wellness and well-being returned.

These old limiting beliefs are just thoughts that I have practiced and accepted as true about myself and life.

And everyone has them.

Often you are so used to thinking your limiting beliefs—or they are so prevalent among your family, friends, co-workers, or even society—that you just accept them as true.

If you are like the women I work with, your limiting beliefs are holding you back from getting the body—and life—that you want.

For instance:

  • Do you believe releasing weight is hard and no fun? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe that you will feel deprived and can’t enjoy the food you love? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe that you hate exercise? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe that your body is somehow faulty? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe you are too old? Limiting belief. (Really! It’s a limiting belief!)

How do you know if it’s a limiting belief?

An easy test is to ask if it’s universally true, meaning it’s true for every person, every time, every place.

And I can tell you from my own experience and from the experience of my clients:

  • The journey of releasing weight—and keeping it off—can not only be profound on so many levels, but can be fun—and yes, even easy.
  • That the healthiest food is often the most delicious, and that you can create a plan that enables you to eat ALL the food you love.
  • That moving your body can be so much fun! Even for you.
  • That your body is working so hard on your behalf.
  • And I know this is challenging to hear. But most people use getting old as an excuse. When you start paying attention, there are a lot of 100-year-olds out there running marathons. If they can do it, so can you!

Be willing to change your beliefs about limitations, and allow yourself to have a different experience.

You will be amazed at how different you feel—and how easily you can create the body you want.

Together we can do it!