Tag Archives: Heart

Open Your Heart to Get the Body You Want

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Love yourself leanHave you ever shut your heart to someone?

I know I have. Withholding love is a very common reaction when people are not living up to your expectations, or you truly believe what they are doing is wrong.

With what happened in Connecticut last week, you may believe that there are things that people have done that are plain unforgivable.

It can be easy to feel justified in judging the culprit as unworthy of your love.

I totally get that.

When I was a kid, I was emotionally and physically abused by my father. And I doubt that many people had any idea of the pain being inflicted on me, my mother, and brothers behind closed doors. It took him almost killing my mother one night for us to find the courage to leave him.

At the age of 15, I severed all connections with my father.

I think most people would say I was justified in withholding love from him. And I did for a long time.

While it was the absolute best decision I could have made to protect myself from any future physical and emotional harm, not forgiving him only hurt me.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

–Buddha

Shutting your heart down—even for the best of reasons—does not actually punish the other person. And it is far more detrimental to you.

The negative reaction is felt in your body, not theirs. And it is causing you physical harm.

This is why practicing forgiveness and unconditional love is so powerful.

By allowing yourself to give love—no matter what—you’re providing yourself with constructive, positive energy that actually boosts your immune system and helps heal and rebuild your body at the cellular level. And yes, helps you get the body you want.

Over the years, I let go of the anger, hurt, and pain that I experienced in the relationship with my father. Not only did I come to forgive him, but I began to see there was actually nothing to forgive.

You see, I learned so much about myself and what I wanted as a result of those experiences.

  • I learned that I had a powerful voice when twice he came to my bed—and I said “No.”
  • I got crystal clear on what I didn’t want out of a relationship, which I think was necessary to figure out what I did want. That clarity is absolutely the reason I chose the amazing man who has been my husband for 20 years.
  • I became who I am right now—and that is a strong, powerful, loving woman who has so much to offer the world.

From where I am now, I truly value those experiences—and my father.

On Saturday, I received news that my father had died.

What I felt was peace.

I could feel the last little bit of my with-holding love relax as I envisioned my father on the other side experiencing the pure positive love of All-That-Is.

From now on, all I will ever give to—or receive from—him is love.

The timing of my learning of my father’s death felt meaningful to me. Many of you may be experiencing significant grief and anger from the events that occurred on Friday. And certainly, women who struggle with their weight often carry the wounds of abuse.

So I’m sharing my story with you, not to make you feel like you need to find forgiveness, love, and peace today, but to let you know it’s worth striving for. It’s worth feeling the pain and moving through it. That you can let go of the hot coal, and that your life will be so much more wonderful than you ever imagined as a result.

Where people often get stuck is feeling like loving someone anyway is the same as condoning that awful behavior.

This is where it is helpful to remember that the Universe (God, Higher Power, All-That-Is–whatever works for you), is involved in that other person’s life, too, and that each of you is receiving guidance.Your job is to pay attention to your reactions and move towards the bigger part of you. Your guidance will always lead you to the best outcome for you.

Begin to notice when you are shutting your heart down. Pay attention to how uncomfortable that feels.Recognize that it’s up to you to change your reaction.

Where in your life are you withholding love? What can you do today to open that door in your heart just a little bit? Notice how much better that feels.

Together we can do it!

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My blog is moving to my new website LoveYourWaySlim.com. To keep following my posts after January 15, you will need to follow my new blog. I look forward to continuing the journey with you!

Do What Feels Good

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You have set the goal and intention to reduce your weight and improve your health so that you can be the best parent, partner, and person you can be.

What feels better—to get up and do the workout, or to stay in bed?

While you may assume that staying in the warm and comfy bed feels better—does it really? Can you honestly say you don’t’ feel discord, both in that moment and later when you get up? How do you feel about yourself throughout the day when you think about that missed workout?

How did you feel when you got up and did the workout anyway?

Now if you were truly at peace and it felt good to stay in bed, you probably needed the sleep. But if you listen to your heart, you can always feel if your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions are in alignment—even if you are taking an action that on the surface seems like it would feel way harder.

This is true whether you are reducing your weight, improving your life, or standing up for something that you believe in. Your emotions are your direction, gauge, guidance, indicator, litmus test letting you know if you are moving towards who you are meant to be, or are taking a detour.

My Mother taught me this from her example. In 1957, she was a student at Little Rock

My mother in the late 50s.

Central High School when it was first integrated by nine African-American students. She did what she felt was right. Simple things, liking sharing her desk and math text book with one of the incoming students on their first day. Smiling and offering encouragement throughout the year.

And for this, she was spat on, harassed, and sent threatening notes on almost a daily basis. The other white students made her last year of high school a living hell. And yet she did not waver.

To this day, I don’t think she feels better about anything else she has done in life. If anything, her regret is that she didn’t do more.

But clearly she did enough. During one of the anniversaries of the integration, Oprah Winfrey asked the Little Rock Nine, as the students came to be known, if any white students had helped. My mother was the only one they remembered. Oprah flew my mother out to her studios and reunited her with the student with whom she had shared her book, and he let her know how very important her smile across a room had been.

Doing what feels good, what feels right, what feels like it is in alignment with who you are, what you value, what you believe, and who you want to be may be damn hard. But the reward will always be absolutely worth it.

Doing what feels good does not necessarily mean doing what is easy. Nothing feels better than doing the work to meet your goals, or facing the challenge.

Together we can do it!

Photo by Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Open Your Heart to Wellness

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I know what it feels like to shut my heart to someone because they are not behaving as I think they should.

Withholding love is a very common reaction when people are not living up to the standards we have set.

This could range from a lover choosing to spend time with friends instead of with you, to someone committing a terrible crime.

When someone does not live up to our or society’s rules, we feel justified in judging them as unworthy of our love. This is one way that we “punish” them.

But shutting our hearts down—even for the best of reasons—does not actually punish the other person as we think it does—and it is far more detrimental to us.

The catabolic reactions are felt in our bodies, not theirs. These are the draining and destructive body processes—such as the release of stress hormones—that actually eat away at our cells.

This is why practicing forgiveness and unconditional love is so powerful. By allowing ourselves to give love—no matter what—we are providing ourselves with constructive, anabolic energy that actually heals us from the inside out.

Withholding love is something we learned—it is not our natural way of being. Look at the love and joy that flows through little children. But almost from day one, we begin giving children the lesson that if they behave in a certain way, they will make us happy and we will then love them. It doesn’t take long for children to learn that control is a part of love.

Begin to notice when you are shutting your heart down. Pay attention to how uncomfortable that feels. Recognize that it’s up to you to change your reaction—it is not up to the other person to change their behavior.

Where people often get stuck is feeling like loving someone anyway is the same as condoning that awful behavior. This is where it is helpful to remember that the Universe (God, Higher Power, All-That-Is–whatever works for you), is involved in that other person’s life, too, and that each of you is receiving guidance. Your job is to pay attention to your reactions and move towards the bigger part of you. Your guidance will always lead you to the best outcome for you.

Where in your life are you withholding love? What can you do today to open that door in your heart just a little bit? Notice how much better that feels.

Together we can do it!

 

Photo by graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net