Love Is Good for Your Health

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If you will release all concern about how others feel about you, and focus only upon how you feel about them, you will unearth your core understanding of who-you-really-are, and you will discover what true freedom really is.

Abraham-Hicks

May I share something deeply personal with you?

I’ve been processing a lot of intense emotions the past couple of days. My intention with sharing this part of my story is that it may benefit you on some level. Maybe it will let you know that you are not alone, or that moving through and gaining a different perspective on challenging life experiences is possible. May you find this beneficial in some way.

Last month, I wrote about my father, who died over Thanksgiving weekend.

I had not had any connection with him since I was 15. He was emotionally and physically abusive, and I doubt that many people had any idea of the pain being inflicted on me, my mother, and brothers behind closed doors. It took him almost killing my mother one night for us to find the courage to leave him.

Over the years, I had put a lot of intention around consciously forgiving him, and even came to feel strongly that there was nothing to forgive.

While it was the absolute best decision I could have made to protect myself from any future physical and emotional harm that might have come from having direct contact with him, not forgiving him only hurt me.

Looking back at his upbringing, I had come to understand how he had been broken as a child, and how that had led to his actions with us. I had come to value my childhood experiences as key to who I am today, and to celebrate the different choices and patterns I have been able to make in my life. Where he could not break the cycle of pain, my brothers and I had.

And I thought I had opened my heart to him. When I received news of his death, I felt peace. It felt like the last little bit of my with-holding love relaxed as I envisioned my father on the other side experiencing the pure positive love of All-That-Is.

It was interesting on Friday to have an exchange with someone present in his life with a very different experience of my father. While I felt I listened to and even celebrated their positive memories, I felt saddened about missing out on the father I could have had. While I gave the briefest description of the man we knew, I didn’t dwell on it. I thought we ended the conversation on good terms and I felt positive about having reached out.

On Saturday, I awoke to an email that I am sure the writer did not intend to impact me the way it did. What was written was that my experience challenged their memories and they did not want to have any dealings with them. I felt they dismissed my experiences by saying it had happened in the “short” time I knew him, and it felt like they challenged my integrity and those I am closest to. It brought up old feelings of abandonment, and beliefs about my father not ever loving me.

While I had come to understand that no man is all of one thing—there is “good” and “bad” in everyone—what came up for me was the need to “justify” my father’s horrid behavior. That old victim energy bubbled up. We were the wronged ones, damn it. How dare they say our pain was not real or justified? I felt the need to defend my victim status.

But did I really want to dig my heels in around these challenging experiences? Did I really want to grab hold of them and grip them tight as my “story?” Was this not an opportunity to clean up old energy that had been hiding out under the rug?

I let myself feel these intense emotions with the intention of shifting my perspective.

There was a lot of relief in allowing myself to grieve and rail and condemn. But I was also revisiting some very dark spaces. Part of me was afraid I might get stuck there in that painful place.

But I am no longer the same person I was. I have too much experience moving through my shadow spaces. Not shining the light on them and recognizing that there is dirt there that needs to be cleaned is what prolongs pain.

So I reached out for support to my husband, friends, and family. I leaned into the emotions that were coming up, and recognized that the pain I was feeling was guidance from my Higher Self letting me know I was not thinking about this situation correctly.

Source only sees with the eyes of love. The pain I was feeling was because I was shutting that love off pretty darn effectively.

I began to remind myself of what this situation and my father had looked like through the lens of love I had donned earlier. I tried to look through the lens of love that this other person had for him.

About 3 a.m. this morning, the dog woke me up, and these thoughts flooded back into my consciousness. I began to envision a magnificent room in my heart and someone coming in and pulling the curtains back so that sunlight streamed in. Part of me wanted to hide under the covers and wail and bemoan the nightmare I had experienced. But this loving and kind helper told me it was just that, a nightmare. It would stop as soon as I opened my eyes and got up.

And so I did. In my mind, I walked through these magnificent rooms that were dusty from disuse. I could see some piles of dirt in places. So I pulled out a rag that was soaked in a cleaning solution that was pure positive love. And I began to clean and polish.

As I worked, positive memories of my father returned. I had been putting so much attention on the negative haunts that I had forgotten that there had been any good or fun times. I began to remember again that no man is all dark or all light. We each have some of each within us. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves and adores the man that was my father.

I could feel my energy shift.

There may be more for me to clean up, but I no longer feel the need to defend the awful memories I have. I have loosened my grip on them. They are no longer part of my current reality. The only one bringing them forward as relevant is me. I can allow the memories of those who loved him to remain intact, and not feel that I am somehow belittled by doing so.

If God loves my father, than that’s what I want to do, too.

When I got up this morning, I felt lighter and restabilized. I felt reconnected to the love of All-That-Is. I remembered my own well-being, which will add to my ultimate wellness.

I did not find the love in my heart for my father. I choose love because it was me that was suffering. It was me who had the key to the prison I created. Aligning with the love of All-That-Is sets me free.

It will set you free, too.

Together we can do it!

banner4This is it! This is my last blog post here! Please follow my new blog at LoveYourWaySlim.com to keep reading. Thank you for all your support here at Goss Coaching. I so appreciate each of you fabulous readers. Much love and blessings to you!

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Change Your Beliefs to Get the Body You Want

One of the first indications that that I’m feeling overwhelmed is a tired, fuzzy feeling behind my eyes.

I was feeling this last Sunday at the end of an intensive VIP day with my fabulous coach, Kendra Thornbury, where we laid out my business plan for the year.

When I shared with her that I was feeling overwhelmed, her response provided an “Ah-Ha” moment.

“That is an old belief that this needs to be overwhelming.”

And she was right!

Having a plan of action could have been exciting. It could have provided a sense of relief. It could have given me hope for the future of my business.

As soon as I realized I could choose a different response, I felt my energy shift and that fuzzy feeling drained away.

I had a similar experience later in the middle of the night. Kendra and I had worked through a lot of fear and intense emotions that had come up for me as we put together a plan that would significantly take me out of my comfort zone. And I had a long day of travel the next day that wouldn’t get me home until the wee hours of Tuesday morning.

There was a tickle in my throat and I was worrying about getting sick.

Ding!

I realized this was an old belief I had about the physical impact of releasing intense emotion. As soon as I realized that, again I felt the energy shift and a sense of wellness and well-being returned.

These old limiting beliefs are just thoughts that I have practiced and accepted as true about myself and life.

And everyone has them.

Often you are so used to thinking your limiting beliefs—or they are so prevalent among your family, friends, co-workers, or even society—that you just accept them as true.

If you are like the women I work with, your limiting beliefs are holding you back from getting the body—and life—that you want.

For instance:

  • Do you believe releasing weight is hard and no fun? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe that you will feel deprived and can’t enjoy the food you love? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe that you hate exercise? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe that your body is somehow faulty? Limiting belief.
  • Do you believe you are too old? Limiting belief. (Really! It’s a limiting belief!)

How do you know if it’s a limiting belief?

An easy test is to ask if it’s universally true, meaning it’s true for every person, every time, every place.

And I can tell you from my own experience and from the experience of my clients:

  • The journey of releasing weight—and keeping it off—can not only be profound on so many levels, but can be fun—and yes, even easy.
  • That the healthiest food is often the most delicious, and that you can create a plan that enables you to eat ALL the food you love.
  • That moving your body can be so much fun! Even for you.
  • That your body is working so hard on your behalf.
  • And I know this is challenging to hear. But most people use getting old as an excuse. When you start paying attention, there are a lot of 100-year-olds out there running marathons. If they can do it, so can you!

Be willing to change your beliefs about limitations, and allow yourself to have a different experience.

You will be amazed at how different you feel—and how easily you can create the body you want.

Together we can do it!

You Can Change the Past

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

While I don’t have the answer to that one, I can tell you the thought or belief comes before the experience.

If you can accept that as true at least the majority of the time, it can change your life. Even if you are just willing to believe it’s possible and will look at some of your life experiences differently as a result, it can have a profound impact on your happiness—and how well you achieve your goals.

Most people are unwilling to see their past experiences with any other interpretation than the one they gave it in the moment and have been recounting for years. They think, “That experience was hurtful to me. End of story.”

But what if it’s not? What if it’s your very interpretation that is keeping that painful experience alive for you? That is limiting you? That is holding you back from the body and life of your dreams?

Don’t believe me?

I’ll give you an example of how I shifted an interpretation of a painful experience to one that now inspires me and fills me with appreciation.

When I was in the 7th grade, my brother called me “Buffalo Butt.”

Now this is typical older brother stuff, right?

But to me, that nickname was incredibly hurtful. I felt diminished. For many, many years I carried the belief in my heart that my bum was unattractive, unworthy, less than, and that was the painful story I told myself and believed to my core.

But what if you take the emotional pain and judgment out of the picture for a moment and look at the experience as a gauge of where my thoughts and beliefs were before he made the comment?

What if it was my existing low self-esteem and self-critical thoughts that inspired my brother to make that joke? And what if that comment was totally and purely like having a mirror held up to me of what I already had going on in my head?

Now my brother is not someone who is intentionally trying to hurt me. In fact, his reflection back to me of my existing thoughts and beliefs was actually an opportunity for me to get awareness and change my thoughts.

Now I’m no longer the victim. I’m the creator. I’m in the driver seat. I am empowered.

And the beautiful thing is I was still able to take advantage of that opportunity almost 30 years later when I reflected back on that experience with this new perspective.

What a gift his comment was!  At 13, I was completely in the self-critical weeds and his joke was a perfect reflection of what was already going on in my head.

When I take my brother out of the equation, not only do I let go of long-standing grudges against him (which benefits me down to the cellular level, by the way), I can also change my thinking about myself.

Of course I didn’t have an ugly tush at 13. I can recognize the insecurity for what it was and right now, I can give my 13-year-old-self all the love, acceptance, and appreciation that I wanted in the moment. And if my having an ugly behind was not true at 13, then it is not true now. All that’s ever held me back was my own thoughts and beliefs.

And that right there is like I had a time machine and went back and changed that experience. The past is now and forever altered in my mind.

Once I made that shift, the love and appreciation I had for my body surged. And those new thoughts and beliefs are now creating my current—and future experiences.

And I’ve seen my body change as a result.

How can you begin to see those painful past experiences as purely a reflection of where your thoughts and beliefs were in the moment?

Begin to use them as your gauge of how well you are lining up your thoughts and beliefs with your desires. If you aren’t getting the reflection back that you want, know that you have the power to change your thoughts and beliefs and get a different experience–past, present, and future.

Together we can do it!

Why Is Everybody Being So Friendly?

Since I’ve had a couple of non-perfect moments recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about perfection.

In the past, I thought that if I were living the life of my dreams, I—and everything else—would be perfect. There will be no more problems, everyone would shape up and act as I thought they should, and life would be easy.

This vision seems particularly good when you are constantly getting steamrolled by life. It takes a heck of a lot of energy to fight the rapids, and just the thought of getting bashed up against one more rock can leave you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

For life to really get really good, however, what changes isn’t the path and intensity of the river; it’s learning to go with the flow of the current instead of fighting against it. It’s adopting new ways to use the oars so you’re prepared when a rock emerges. It’s finding the beauty and exhilaration of where you are on the trip, instead of focusing on the rocks you’ve already encountered, or the ones you’re afraid are ahead.

While perfection seems like it would be good on the surface, it is truly not what any of us want. If the purpose of life is to expand and grow, what would be the point of never being able to decide what you want more of? What would be the value of never having a new experience from which to gain a new perspective? Why would any of us want to strive to do and be more?

For me, one of the key elements of relaxing and enjoying the ride was taking a close look at my beliefs about the Universe (God, Source Energy, All-That-Is, Higher Coach—whatever works for you.)

“The most important question you’ll ever ask is whether the Universe is a friendly place.”

Albert Einstein

There was a time I absolutely believed that the Universe was an unfriendly place and that it was out to get me. I couldn’t seem to get a break. Life was unfair, and the world seemed hard and pretty bleak.

That’s a depressing and painful place from which to approach life.

This perspective began to change when I learned about the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction. As I began to understand what that actually meant for my life, my perspective slowly changed so that I could see that indeed the Universe is every person’s biggest ally. The more I took responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions, the more I began to see my life change. And still do!

Today I see the Universe as a very friendly place. And I embrace another Foundation Principle, “There Are No Mistakes,” which means that everything we see as a problem, obstacle, or challenge is really an opportunity that when embraced can help us be the person we most want to be.

Making those changes takes practice, dedication, and focus. It means letting go of the need to be perfect and for life to be perfect, and to begin embracing Who you are and the life you have created.

If you feel the need to be perfect or to have life be perfect, how is that impacting you? Is it generating positive anabolic energy, or negative catabolic energy? What can you do today to help you believe that you are living in a friendly Universe?

Together we can do it!

 

 

Photo by stock.xching

What Path Are You On?

Nobody experiences or sees the world exactly the way that you do. Because every moment of life is new and ever-changing, all of the individual perspectives in the world are constantly changing and being shaped. The person you are in this moment will be slightly different in the next as you take in these words and the environment around you.

Not only are you influenced by outside experiences, but in this moment you can also consciously choose your perspective, thought, and reaction.

The uniqueness of each individual and their journey is one of my favorite things to ponder. But what does it really mean for our day-to-day lives?

One of the things it can do is help you recognize and accept your innate value. You have value because your experiences and how you see the world are slightly different from anyone else on the planet. You add to the greater whole.

But that’s still pretty esoteric. What does it really mean?

It means that you matter. It means that the greatest gift you can give the world is to be the absolute best possible version of you.

So often, people get caught up in their lives and doing and caring for others that they forget Who they are. They don’t take time to think about what makes them tick? What are their values? What do they enjoy? What’s important to them? How do they want to spend their time? Who do they want to spend time with?

Instead of consciously choosing your path, you may be buffeted along in the hubbub of day-to-day life until you wake up one day and realize you don’t like where you are and that you no longer know the answers to those questions. It’s typically not a pleasant day.

You can also lose sight of Who you are by constantly comparing yourself to other people. If gazing over at someone else’s experience is inspiring, that’s great! Keep doing it. But more often than not, people use the life of another to judge or criticize themselves, their contributions and progress, and their value. You are never going to be able to authentically live another’s life, and trying to do so never feels good.

Other than being somewhat unpleasant, neither of these paths is “bad” or “wrong.” They will still help you create the irreplaceable you, and ultimately taking the scenic route can be very fulfilling.

It’s just that focusing on being the best possible version of you throughout your journey can be a lot more fun and robust. It like catching a wave and riding it into shore versus paddling the whole way.

What does being the best possible version of you mean? Who is that person? What small step can you take today towards being that person?

Together we can do it!

 

Photo by Tina Phillips / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Catching a New Train of Thought

I just had a rush of jealousy. That’s not an emotion I feel often and it certainly got my attention.

The good news is I’m not using this as a reason to beat myself up, which I most certainly would have done in the past. Instead, I’m using this experience much as I would use a landmark on a map. It’s showing me I am in this particular place on my way to becoming a better version of me.

I would rather know where I am and how far I need to go on this topic than delude myself into thinking I am further along only to be lost driving around in circles.

Emotions are not inherently good or bad. They are all valuable as signposts giving us directions on our way to becoming the biggest, brightest, best possible versions of ourselves.

That rush of negative catabolic emotion is letting me know that I need to catch a new train of thought. Positive anabolic emotion is letting me know my thoughts are leading me towards my desired destination.

It’s important not to condemn yourself for where you are and to let go of judging your emotions as either good or bad. This is just where you are on your journey. If you are headed where you want to go, great! If not, choose a new direction.

I know I am.

And if you judged me for feeling jealous, where are you judging your own emotions as inappropriate?

Together we can do it!

Photo by Kenneth Cratty / FreeDigitalPhotos.net