The Non-Negotiable Key to Success

While I’m in Sedona, Arizona, attending a business mastermind retreat, I’ve asked a few fabulous coaches to step in with blogs. Today’s guest blog is by Denise Hedges. While Denise is a business development coach and marketing strategist, her insight on mindset absolutely applies to weight loss. 

I can tell within 10 to 15 minutes. It’s so obvious.

I’ve coached a lot of people, and the contrasts between them is striking, but nothing has more influence over how successful they’ll be and how rapidly they progress than one particular factor.

From this one aspect, I can tell if they’re going to proceed normally toward getting what they want … facing just the usual challenges of life and business … or they’re really going to struggle. What is that?

I can focus it and personalize it best by asking a question.

How much time and energy do you spend arguing for your limitations?

In other words, how much of the conversation you have with yourself in your head, not to mention with others, sounds like: I can’t do this … that’s impossible … nothing’s gonna work … it’s all too hard … I don’t deserve it?

Sound familiar? Well, that’s where the contrast occurs. Really successful, happy people don’t do this.

Look, most of us do at least a little bit of this on a bad day. I get that, but what I’m talking about here is a habitual, reflexive pattern of approaching life this way. Warning: It’s not a harmless indulgence. It’s toxic … to you and your dreams.

The quality of your internal communication matters more than anything, because it’s so absolutely fundamental. If it’s reflexively negative, not only can you not run at full speed, you can’t even really get out of the starting blocks, because you don’t really believe good things are possible for you. That’s a bad place to be.

And if you want to get out of that bad place and get on with the business of having what you want, that’s where you have to go to work first.

It can be a challenge for me as a coach, because most people want to get on with making plans and creating strategies, thinking that strategizing and taking action is what’s going to make them successful where they haven’t been successful before.

These things won’t help if the dialogue in your head is negative, resistant, and blocking. They’ll only help if the path of possibility is open.

And it doesn’t even have to be wide open. What matters is not so much that someone is blazingly optimistic or free of doubt or fear, it’s just that there’s an absence of the quicksand that is self-defeating self-talk.

Simply put, just don’t erect your own roadblocks and when you do encounter real ones, don’t amplify them, and you’ll be fine.

Now, please, please, please don’t think this is some kind of holier than thou message. Ha! Hardly. I grew up negative. If there were an Olympic event for embracing negativity to the fullest, my family would have taken the gold!

And don’t think that if you’re currently disposed to thinking this way that you’re doomed. It just means that before you can make serious progress toward your goals, you have to transform your mindset.

I’m here to testify that it can be done.

A year after my husband died, a friend who was truly concerned about me gave me a book by Louise Hay … You Can Heal Your Life. I read it and then read it again … every day, sometimes several times a day. I realized I had to reset my default state of mind. I took it on as a project, as if my life depended on it … because it did!

The key is consistency. You can’t just read a book once and be done. It’s about consistently taking in the message and internalizing it.

Two years later, I was talking with another good friend in my car and she volunteered out of the blue that I was “the most positive person she knew.” I almost drove off the road! Confirmation!

Do I still have to work at it? Yeah, each and every day.

Okay, so what do you do if you’ve identified yourself as a negative self-talker who argues for your limitations and you want to change the default state?

Here are some terrific books and CDs that’ll help:

Ask and It Is Given – Esther and Jerry Hicks

Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting – Lynn Grabhorn

Wishcraft…How to Get What You Really Want – Barbara Sher

The Attractor Factor – Joe Vitale

You Can Heal Your Life – Louise Hay

decide ~ believe ~ dream & The Power of Attraction – Denise Hedges

Success in anything starts between your ears. The trick is to make sure what’s in there is empowering.

All the best,


Denise Hedges is a business development coach and marketing strategist with over 25 years experience in sales and marketing. As the co-founder of Business BreakThrough Institute, she’s created the world’s foremost attraction-based sales and marketing system. Denise specializes in working with women business owners, helping them move past any doubt or uncertainty about sales and marketing, attract more clients and customers, and make more money!

Denise is a Professional Certified Coach and a member of the Coach University Faculty, training personal and business coaches all over the world.

Check out her website at:

Are you struggling with your weight?

Are you worried about holiday weight gain?

Are you ready to get the body you really want?

I have 2 coaching spaces open to help you love your way slim. If you are serious about transforming your mind and body so that:

  • You create the holidays you really want and never feel deprived.
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  • You break the cycle of losing and regaining weight—once and for all.

Secure your spot now by emailing me at by November 11 to schedule your complimentary breakthrough session. These powerful and empowering sessions are available on a limited basis.

Don’t wait till Jan 2 to take inspired action. Start creating the body—and life—you want today.


How Much of a Stretch Is It?

“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

1869-1948, Led India to Independence

“You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

Dan Millman, author of the “Peaceful Warrior’s Way”

“Many around you want to point out “reality” to you. They say, ‘Face the facts. Look at what-is.’ And we say to you, if you are able to see only what-is—then, by Law of Attraction, you will create only more of what-is… You must be able to put your thoughts beyond what-is in order to attract something different or something more.

Excerpted from “The Law of Attraction, The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham” by Esther and Jerry Hicks

I had an intense bought of catabolic self-doubt and criticism yesterday over how well I performed on an exam. While I was emotionally up and down most of the day as I worked to shift this default belief, by the time I went to bed last night I felt in alignment with Who I really am and was actually excited about whatever the outcome may be. It will be the perfect opportunity for where I am right now.

Taking most of a day to shift a long-practiced reaction may seem quick to some of you and slow to others. For me, it was an absolute sign of just how far I’ve come.

In the past, I would have stressed, worried, and totally been obsessed/depressed for the entire two weeks it will take for me to get my exam result. And if I didn’t do well, let’s just say the lash of self-loathing wouldn’t have been put down for a long time. I would have judged myself way more harshly than anyone else. I would have made sure of it.

That I can now shift to an anabolic state in less than a day and never sink down into depression is huge! And I am so looking forward to my automatic response being that of not only accepting every circumstance and event, but enjoying it as the life experience it is.

But how did I get from automatic depression that may last weeks to months to embracing whatever outcome in a day?

As I was stretching and doing Yoga this morning, I realized that it was a very similar process. You move in the direction you want to go and when you feel discomfort, you stop pushing, relax, and breathe.

In Yoga, you stretch until you feel physical discomfort, and then you stop and breathe into it. As you relax and breathe, the muscles begin to release. As you repeat this over time, your muscles become more flexible and you can reach further until you have a new physical limit. From this new place, you stop pushing, relax, and breathe.

When shifting beliefs, you stretch your thoughts and mind towards Who you want to be or the life you want to create until you feel emotional discomfort.

This may start out as reaching for the belief that you are safe in this moment. You are reading these words and no one is hitting you or threatening you. That for this instant, you can relax and breathe, and you are safe.

As you practice that and expand your belief about your safety, you may then be able to reach for the belief that you are forgiven. That all the hurts you imposed and horrible things you have said and done are absolved.

And as you practice the belief that you are forgiven, you may then stretch your thoughts to see situations in the past differently so that you can forgive others.

You may then reach for compassion—for others and yourself. You may reach for the belief that not only are you forgiven, but you are accepted. And as you get comfortable with your acceptance you may reach for the belief that you are loved and adored exactly as you are. That you are worthy of good things happening in your life, not because of what you do, but because of Who you are.

As you practice the belief that you are loved, you then may practice appreciating your life and every experience you have ever gone through because it has helped you become Who you are and formed the basis for the absolute unique and special perspective and gifts that only you have—and that are yours to share with the world as fully as possible.

And then you may reach for joy and see the world in an absolutely new and beautiful way. You may release your judgment about other people and how they’re living their lives. You may reach for unconditional love and for absolute passion in every area of your life.

But just like in Yoga, it is a process. At first, when you bend at the hips you may only be able to touch your shins. As you practice, you are able to put your hands flat on the floor, and then can put your head on your knees.

Trying to go from depression to joy all at once is like trying to put your head on your knees when you can only touch your shins. You begin where you are and practice.

What can you do today to move your beliefs in the direction you want to go? When you feel discomfort, stop pushing, relax, and breathe. What can you do to practice that? How can you notice and mark your progress?

Together we can do it!

Photo by ponsuwan /