Tag Archives: dan millman

Take a Step Towards the Healthy and Happy Holidays You Want

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Decisions
There’s a lot of tempting food around this time of year.

Many of the women I work with feel out of control with their eating, or rebellious about holding back on holiday treats, or rationalize that “it’s just once a year.”

So you eat. And eat.

And then you mentally beat yourself up. 

We’re not talking about a little, “Oh, I shouldn’t have eaten that.”

What often happens is a full-blown attack. 

We’re talking guilt. You say things to yourself like:

  • “I am so weak.”
  • “I’m so stupid.”
  • “I’m ugly.”
  • “I’m fat.”
  • “I hate my body.” 

You say things that are totally and completely UNTRUE! You say things to yourself that you would never say to anyone else. 

And it is a painful place to be.

I love the Dan Millman quote:

“You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

Let me repeat the key sentence:

“Making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

This absolutely includes eating what you judge to be “bad” over the holidays. Or not being at what you feel is your optimal weight. Or not looking like a super model.

Beating yourself up is NOT helpful.

And it could very well end up making you feel so bad that you just give-up trying to eat healthy until the New Year.

If you found yourself driving in the wrong direction, would you just keep going for weeks trying to find your destination? Would you tell yourself how horrible you are because you’re not there?

Would you say to yourself, “Oh well. I’m lost. I might as well just keep driving until January 2?”

Think of all the extra miles you would add-on to the trip, and the possible damage that could be done to your car?

You can make a different choice. 

And there are lots of options. You can:

  • Pull over and ask for directions.
  • Turn around right now.
  • Start driving in what you know is the right direction, and focus on enjoying the occasional detour.

Often you put off taking care of yourself until Monday, the first of the year, or some deadline that is later.

Then when you get there, you may do well for a couple of days, only to feel overwhelmed and deprived and find yourself back to your old eating and exercise habits.

What if, instead, you committed to eating just a little bit healthier today?

Or moving your body in some way for 10 minutes?

Or celebrated all that you did that was healthy, instead of the few things you didn’t do?

  • Would that feel like you were headed in the right direction?
  • Would your self-talk be more supportive?
  • Would that make it easier to keep going tomorrow? Next week? On January 2? 

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”

—Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher (604 BC – 531 BC)

Don’t just keep driving in the wrong direction by putting off eating healthy and exercising until everything is perfect.

The only perfect time to start taking care of yourself is right now. Even if it’s just one tiny step towards the body—and life—you want.

Together we can do it!

Woo Hoo! You Aren’t Perfect!

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Many women I work with are squeezed between feeling the need to be perfect and judging themselves harshly for not being perfect.

Wow it’s a painful place to be.

And so not necessary.

I love the Dan Millman quote:

“You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

I would go further. Not only is being imperfect not an unforgivable sin, it’s vital to living a full, happy, and authentic life.

Often when I ask clients to list their gifts or positive attributes, they struggle or can’t do it. But ask them for self-criticism or the perceived judgments of others and they can give you a page.

From the time you were born, you begin trying to please many masters—parents, teachers, friends, society, God, etc., etc. This would be OK if they were asking the same thing from you, but the message is inconsistent. To please your parents you have to say and be one way. To please your teachers, you have to say and be another. Your friends yet another.

And people still don’t like you and criticize you. You begin to think, “Maybe if I contort myself this way or that way they will love me.” You begin striving to meet this ever-changing target of perfection that will make everyone else happy.

Is it any wonder that you can’t be perfect?

In the process of contorting yourself, you lose Who you are—what you actually enjoy, what you’re good at, what you love.

By trying to be perfect, you may stop at the first hint of criticism. If you do push forward, your self-imposed rigidity my suck all the fun out. Life becomes hard. More often then not, you give up on achieving your goals and do what’s easier–what you know you can do perfectly.

I’m pulling your mask away. I see you and you aren’t perfect. You aren’t hiding the fact that you aren’t perfect from anyone. And you are so loved and worthy just as you are. You don’t need to please anyone else. You don’t need to be anyone else. In fact, the world is hungry for the true you.

I see you for Who you truly are—absolutely and totally perfect in your imperfection.

How do you expect to expand, change, and evolve if you are already perfect? And you can’t help but expand, change, and evolve. It is boxing yourself in and trying to limit yourself to playing in the narrow lines of perfection that is at the heart of your pain and unhappiness.

Growth comes from playing, learning, trying, and being. So relax. Ease up on yourself—and others. Play more. Be willing to learn more. Be willing to try and have the results be less than perfect. Let go of doing more and focus on being more.

Can you feel the relief in that? Can you feel the path to joy in that? Can you see the way to being Who you truly are?

Together we can do it!

How Much of a Stretch Is It?

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“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

1869-1948, Led India to Independence

“You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

Dan Millman, author of the “Peaceful Warrior’s Way”

“Many around you want to point out “reality” to you. They say, ‘Face the facts. Look at what-is.’ And we say to you, if you are able to see only what-is—then, by Law of Attraction, you will create only more of what-is… You must be able to put your thoughts beyond what-is in order to attract something different or something more.

Excerpted from “The Law of Attraction, The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham” by Esther and Jerry Hicks

I had an intense bought of catabolic self-doubt and criticism yesterday over how well I performed on an exam. While I was emotionally up and down most of the day as I worked to shift this default belief, by the time I went to bed last night I felt in alignment with Who I really am and was actually excited about whatever the outcome may be. It will be the perfect opportunity for where I am right now.

Taking most of a day to shift a long-practiced reaction may seem quick to some of you and slow to others. For me, it was an absolute sign of just how far I’ve come.

In the past, I would have stressed, worried, and totally been obsessed/depressed for the entire two weeks it will take for me to get my exam result. And if I didn’t do well, let’s just say the lash of self-loathing wouldn’t have been put down for a long time. I would have judged myself way more harshly than anyone else. I would have made sure of it.

That I can now shift to an anabolic state in less than a day and never sink down into depression is huge! And I am so looking forward to my automatic response being that of not only accepting every circumstance and event, but enjoying it as the life experience it is.

But how did I get from automatic depression that may last weeks to months to embracing whatever outcome in a day?

As I was stretching and doing Yoga this morning, I realized that it was a very similar process. You move in the direction you want to go and when you feel discomfort, you stop pushing, relax, and breathe.

In Yoga, you stretch until you feel physical discomfort, and then you stop and breathe into it. As you relax and breathe, the muscles begin to release. As you repeat this over time, your muscles become more flexible and you can reach further until you have a new physical limit. From this new place, you stop pushing, relax, and breathe.

When shifting beliefs, you stretch your thoughts and mind towards Who you want to be or the life you want to create until you feel emotional discomfort.

This may start out as reaching for the belief that you are safe in this moment. You are reading these words and no one is hitting you or threatening you. That for this instant, you can relax and breathe, and you are safe.

As you practice that and expand your belief about your safety, you may then be able to reach for the belief that you are forgiven. That all the hurts you imposed and horrible things you have said and done are absolved.

And as you practice the belief that you are forgiven, you may then stretch your thoughts to see situations in the past differently so that you can forgive others.

You may then reach for compassion—for others and yourself. You may reach for the belief that not only are you forgiven, but you are accepted. And as you get comfortable with your acceptance you may reach for the belief that you are loved and adored exactly as you are. That you are worthy of good things happening in your life, not because of what you do, but because of Who you are.

As you practice the belief that you are loved, you then may practice appreciating your life and every experience you have ever gone through because it has helped you become Who you are and formed the basis for the absolute unique and special perspective and gifts that only you have—and that are yours to share with the world as fully as possible.

And then you may reach for joy and see the world in an absolutely new and beautiful way. You may release your judgment about other people and how they’re living their lives. You may reach for unconditional love and for absolute passion in every area of your life.

But just like in Yoga, it is a process. At first, when you bend at the hips you may only be able to touch your shins. As you practice, you are able to put your hands flat on the floor, and then can put your head on your knees.

Trying to go from depression to joy all at once is like trying to put your head on your knees when you can only touch your shins. You begin where you are and practice.

What can you do today to move your beliefs in the direction you want to go? When you feel discomfort, stop pushing, relax, and breathe. What can you do to practice that? How can you notice and mark your progress?

Together we can do it!

Photo by ponsuwan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net