Category Archives: Self Criticism

Aren’t You Curious?

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I set aside time yesterday to work on my business bookkeeping. In addition to a little bit of procrastination, I found myself starting the project with a small bowl of dark chocolate chips.

And I went back for seconds.

Of course this is not the end of the world and I did get the bookkeeping done, but what both the procrastination and chocolate let me know is that I have some negative, catabolic thoughts, emotions, and beliefs going on that I need to look at.

Whenever your actions and goals aren’t in alignment, it just means there’s some underlying catabolic energy that needs to be addressed. That’s it. It’s not an indication of your strength of character, willpower, or how good a person you are.

And it’s not about the food.

Mentally beating yourself up in these situations is the equivalent of throwing gasoline on a fire. Adding negative self-criticism is literally just making the underlying catabolic energy stronger and giving it more momentum.

It’s best just to step back and observe yourself with curiosity. What’s going on here? What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What do I believe about myself in regards to this situation?

And don’t even try to change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in that moment. Remember, you’ve got some energetic momentum built up. Stepping in front of an energetic tidal wave will emotionally pound you into the rocks.

Just watch and let the wave go by. Later, when you’re feeling good and are in a positive, anabolic state of energy, you can revisit the scenario and look at the underlying beliefs. Not only do you gain clarity from this better-feeling place, but you can more powerfully change your thoughts so that the next time you’re better able to align your actions with your goals.

In my situation, I have some lingering limiting beliefs about my math skills that go back to grade school, as well as expectations about how “unfun” bookkeeping is, etc., etc. So here’s how I shifted my thinking after meditating this morning.

The reality is putting my bookkeeping off feels way worse than doing it. And as long as I have a calculator, I’m actually pretty good at it. I have an intuitive sense that enables me to make smart decisions. There’s a part of me that really enjoys seeing the numbers line up. And I see the income I’m making as an indication of the value and service I’m providing my clients. And I love how the income is helping me build my business so I can support and help empower more women. It feels very satisfying to have my books in order and to know exactly how much I have spent and earned. I love the feeling of being on top of things and knowing the ins and outs of my business.

Now, next time I’m sitting down to do my books, I’ll be able to tap into that feeling of satisfaction, enjoyment, and even empowerment, and I’ll be less likely to feel the need to reach for chocolate.

However, because this issue entails some long-standing limiting beliefs, I may have to do this process several times before I am chocolate-free. But each time I do it, I’m shifting the underlying energy to a more positive place.

As I let go of the catabolic feeling of dread around bookkeeping and switch it to a more anabolic feeling of expectation, satisfaction, and even eagerness, not only will I be able to let go of the chocolate, but I’ll have an increase in energy that will enable me to be more productive and engaged in all areas of my life.

The next time you find yourself doing some stress- or emotional-eating, just observe yourself with curiosity. Pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling. Later, when you are feeling better, look at how can you change those beliefs.

Together we can do it!

 

Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

How Much Power are You Giving to the Scale?

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Does having your gas gauge in your car read “empty” ruin your whole day? Do you post about it on your blog and tell all your friends what a failure it makes you?

Do you measure the air in your tires, and sit down on the curb and cry because it doesn’t show the number you wanted?

When you figure out the average number of miles you drive on a gallon of gas and it hasn’t’ changed from the day or week before, do you berate yourself with what an awful person you are—and go find comfort in a donut?

Then why are you doing that after you step on the bathroom scale?

Most women that I work with give way too much of their personal power to the scale. In their minds, not only does it measure how well they’ve done sticking to their exercise and eating plans, but it also measures their self-worth.

In truth, neither of these is the case.

The scale is just a tool—and a faulty one at that—that can be used to help you release weight. Using it consistently gives you a general idea of where you are your journey.

It typically does not accurately measure body fat—which is what you really want to know—and because weight is impacted by things like hormones, salt, sleep, etc., etc., it can go up and down for what feels like no reason.

When it becomes the deciding factor in the quality of your day and crashes your self-esteem, it is actually doing you harm. You might as well throw it away. It is holding you back, keeping you stuck, and making the weight stick to you like glue.

This is because the negative emotions you feel after stepping on the scale are generating catabolic energy that releases the stress hormone cortisol, adrenaline, and other chemicals that literally cannibalize your body. They break down your immune system, stress your heart, and impact your muscles. They also impact your metabolism and other weight-related systems making it easier to gain and harder to release weight.

By giving the scale the power to measure your value you are robbing yourself of the immense power you actually do have to get the body you want.

You can reclaim some of that power right now by deciding that you will no longer allow an inanimate object that at best is an inaccurate tool from dictating how you feel.

Until you can step on the scale and feel good about yourself—regardless of what number it reads—you are better off using a measuring tape, fat-measuring calipers, or even how well your jeans fit as your gauge to determine your progress.

Your value as a person is far greater than the number on the scale. And when you align your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs with your actions, you will be amazed at the progress you make.

How can you measure your progress in a way that will help move your towards your goals, rather than hold you back?

Together we can do it!

 

 

You Are So Beautiful!

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What is beautiful to you?

Does it involve a certain body weight or shape? A certain wellness level? When you look in the mirror do you see your definition of beauty smiling back?

I often hear clients focused on wanting to change how others see women and judge beauty. There is much frustration that women on television and in ads are significantly thinner than average. People point to pundits’ criticisms of specific bodies. There are many photos of past sex symbols who were less than lean tied to complaints about the changing definition of beauty.

But how likely is it that you are going to change society, or the modeling, television, or advertising industries?

Wouldn’t it be easier to focus on your own judgments and definition of beauty?

Until you are so pure in your appreciation of every woman’s body and beauty that a critical thought is never entertained, until your actions align 100 percent with your personal definition of wellness, and you can look in the mirror with not only appreciation but adoration, you have no power to change anyone else.

You may want others to deem you—or more women—as beautiful, but before that can happen, you must judge yourself as beautiful first. And you must allow everyone else to have their own definition of beauty.

This is the sticking point for most women. You have to stop looking outside of you for self-esteem, appreciation, and acceptance. Those are things you have to give to yourself.

It is only when you began making these internal changes that you will begin to see lasting external changes.

To do this, you have to begin:

  • Letting go of the fear of other people’s judgments.
  • Aligning your actions with your beliefs and desires.
  • Looking for and appreciating your beauty and innate value—body, mind, and spirit

Instead of trying to change others, how would it feel to examine your own judgments and definition of beauty? How could you begin to align more fully with that?

The best way to change the world is to change how you see yourself.

Together we can do it!

Don’t Let Them Stop You

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While I’m in Charleston, South Carolina, this week participating in and presenting a couple of workshops, I thought I would share a few of my favorite blogs.

This one is from the fabulous Kristin Barton Cuthriell.

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. “

-Aristotle

You have a purpose.

There is work to be done.

You can do it.

There is fun to be had.

You can have it.

There are people to love.

You can love them.

There are quiet moments to enjoy.

You can enjoy them.

There is love to be received.

You can receive it.

There is life worth experiencing.

You can experience it.

No matter what you do, there may always be someone out there who finds fault in you.

The truth is… we all have faults.

The truth is… we can always find a critic.

Are you going to allow those critics or the critic that lives within you to hold you back from living your best life?

Work hard, play hard, take time to rest, pray, and let life in.

When you live with integrity, you can ignore the critic.

Related articles

• Appreciation Is The Language of the Soul (mothermaryswords.wordpress.com)

• The love you give is the love you receive. (positive-thoughts.typepad.com)

• The inner Critic (wellnessspirit.wordpress.com)

 

Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW

Kristin is a licensed psychotherapist and educator currently working in private practice, counseling individuals, couples, and families. She utilizes a hope based cognitive behavior approach to therapy and other empirically validated treatments to help individuals suffering from depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and difficult life transitions. Prior to entering the mental health field, Kristin spent a decade teaching first, third, and sixth grades. She received a BA in Education from Virginia Tech and went on to earn her Master’s in Education and her Master’s in Social Work. Kristin also enjoys speaking and writing and is currently working on a book designed to help people live more fulfilling lives.

You can read her blog at http://letlifeinpractices.com/

Take a Restraining Order Out On Yourself

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How long would you want to hang around someone who was constantly critical of how you looked, what you did, what you said, or how you acted?

Would they be the friend you went to for support when you were down, or to celebrate your success? Let’s hope not!

Loving support is about building you up, cheering you on, and having someone who believes in their heart that you can do anything that you set your mind on achieving.

Now look at how you treat yourself. Are you critical and demanding or loving and supportive?

If you are like most women, you say things to yourself that you would never say to a friend or loved one.

I’ve watched women give themselves a little slap along with a bit of self-criticism. “I should have thought of that.” Slap. “I’m so sassy.” Slap. “I can’t believe I did that.” Slap.

Many verbally abuse themselves for things like not being able to maintain a positive attitude in the face of real challenges, being less than perfect, and not looking the way fashion magazines say they should look.

In relationships where someone is verbally or physically abusing another, a court will step in and issue a restraining order to the keep the other person from inflicting any more harm.

It’s time to take a restraining order out on yourself.

Begin to ease up on the demands and criticisms you direct towards yourself. Look for and celebrate the signs of the progress you are making rather than the distance you haven’t yet traveled. Catalog and have confidence in the things you do well.

Treat yourself as you would treat another.

What can you do to draft yourself as an ally to support you in achieving your goals? How does changing how you treat yourself alter how others treat you? How much better does loving and supporting yourself feel?

Together we can do it!

Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net