Category Archives: One Right Way

Go from Grumbling to Gratitude

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Do you ever catch yourself grumbling or complaining about what someone else did or didn’t do?

By comparison, how much time do you spend thinking about all the wonderful qualities that person has, and how much they add to your life?

What focus do you have more consistently?

What would happen if you spent more time looking at them through a positive lens? How would it make you feel to spend as little as a minute every day feeling grateful for that person?

That might look like appreciating their wonderful qualities, or the things they did that were helpful, or why they are in your life, or their general and inherent value as a person on this planet. (And they have inherent value, I promise.)

Just one minute a day.

How might even that small shift in focus alter how you feel? How might it impact how you show up in the relationship? How might that shift change the dynamics of the relationship for the better?

No one else is with you in your mind. No one is forcing you to think or feel anything. If you are holding on to frustrations and irritations it is because you have your mental fist grasped tightly around thoughts of their infractions, weakness, or imperfections.

And it is because you are judging them as weak, imperfect, and full of fault. Who made you creator of the rules? Why is it that everyone else must cater to your expectations? How do you like trying to fulfill other people’s expectations and beliefs about the “right” way to do anything?

The solution is to begin to allow those things that frustrate and irritate you to run through your mind like water running through your fingers.

Just let them go.

As soon as you do, you feel lighter emotionally. You feel relief. And that new lightness is directly impacting your wellness down to your cellular level. As you let go of that stress and the negative emotions, it is you that receives the benefit—body, mind, and spirit.

Is it worth your health to let go of old anger, frustrations, and resentments that are not only hurting you, but are actually keeping you for the life and relationships you want? Is your happiness worth it? Are your relationships worth it?

Just let it go.

Do it because you are worth it, because love is worth it, because joy is worth it.

Together we can do it!

Photo by http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Woo Hoo! You Aren’t Perfect!

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Many women I work with are squeezed between feeling the need to be perfect and judging themselves harshly for not being perfect.

Wow it’s a painful place to be.

And so not necessary.

I love the Dan Millman quote:

“You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”

I would go further. Not only is being imperfect not an unforgivable sin, it’s vital to living a full, happy, and authentic life.

Often when I ask clients to list their gifts or positive attributes, they struggle or can’t do it. But ask them for self-criticism or the perceived judgments of others and they can give you a page.

From the time you were born, you begin trying to please many masters—parents, teachers, friends, society, God, etc., etc. This would be OK if they were asking the same thing from you, but the message is inconsistent. To please your parents you have to say and be one way. To please your teachers, you have to say and be another. Your friends yet another.

And people still don’t like you and criticize you. You begin to think, “Maybe if I contort myself this way or that way they will love me.” You begin striving to meet this ever-changing target of perfection that will make everyone else happy.

Is it any wonder that you can’t be perfect?

In the process of contorting yourself, you lose Who you are—what you actually enjoy, what you’re good at, what you love.

By trying to be perfect, you may stop at the first hint of criticism. If you do push forward, your self-imposed rigidity my suck all the fun out. Life becomes hard. More often then not, you give up on achieving your goals and do what’s easier–what you know you can do perfectly.

I’m pulling your mask away. I see you and you aren’t perfect. You aren’t hiding the fact that you aren’t perfect from anyone. And you are so loved and worthy just as you are. You don’t need to please anyone else. You don’t need to be anyone else. In fact, the world is hungry for the true you.

I see you for Who you truly are—absolutely and totally perfect in your imperfection.

How do you expect to expand, change, and evolve if you are already perfect? And you can’t help but expand, change, and evolve. It is boxing yourself in and trying to limit yourself to playing in the narrow lines of perfection that is at the heart of your pain and unhappiness.

Growth comes from playing, learning, trying, and being. So relax. Ease up on yourself—and others. Play more. Be willing to learn more. Be willing to try and have the results be less than perfect. Let go of doing more and focus on being more.

Can you feel the relief in that? Can you feel the path to joy in that? Can you see the way to being Who you truly are?

Together we can do it!

Are You Doing It the “One Right Way?”

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The late family therapist Virginia Satir is reported to have done some research and found that there are more than 250 different ways to wash dishes.

Think about that for a minute. There are more than 250 ways to get the same simple result—clean dishes.

Too often, we believe that there is only one “right” way to do things—our way. Instead of valuing and appreciating the other 249 ways, we dismiss them, or actually criticism them. We may demand that it be done the “One Right Way.”

I know that I have been on both the giving and receiving end of this “One Right Way” mindset, and neither perspective is very much fun.

An area where this “One Right Way” mindset is rampant is weight loss. How often have you been besieged by a friend who has found THE “One Right Way” to diet or exercise, and they practically beat you about the head in an effort to get you to try it, too? (And yes, I may have been that friend!)

But let’s think about it a minute. If there are 250 ways just to clean dishes, how many different ways do you think there are to eat healthy foods and effectively move your body? What makes you think there is just one solution that is right for every body?

If there was, I would submit that we wouldn’t have so much expert disagreement about the “One Right Way” to lose weight. Or even what foods are actually healthy. Carbohydrates anyone? Anybody remember when butter was the biggest sinner out there and margarine was touted as the solution?

I know people who are lean and sexy who eat a low carb diet, as well as some who eat a high carb diet, who are vegetarians and vegans, who eat only raw foods, or whole foods, the French way, the Mediterranean way, or the paleo way, etc., etc.

I know people who are lean and sexy who run and lift weights, as well as some who do yoga, pilates, or tai chi, or cross train, or bike, etc., etc.

So both the challenge and the opportunity is that you have to take responsibility to find the plan for healthy eating and exercise that works best for you, that you will enjoy enough to follow consistently, and that is flexible enough to allow you to not only live your life, but to change, grow, and evolve.

To find the best workout and eating plan for you, you may want to experiment, try new things, have fun, and listen to your body.

Ultimately, the best workout is the one that you will enjoy enough to do consistently and the best diet is the plan that you can make a healthy lifestyle.

What can you do today to let go of the “One Right Way” mindset and begin to value the multitude of ways to accomplish the same thing?

Together we can do it!

Photo from www.freedigitalphotos.net