Healthy Communication From the Inside Out

While I’m in Sedona, Arizona, attending a business mastermind retreat, I’ve asked a few fabulous bloggers to step in. Today’s guest blog is by Renée Vos de Wael.

Communication is something we do all day.

It starts in the morning when you wake up and goes on until you have brushed your teeth and switched off the light to enjoy a blissful nights rest.

It is interesting to watch how you communicate throughout the whole day—with yourself and others.

Have you ever taken the time to be your own observer? To do so in an unbiased way is challenging to say the least. I know.

I gave myself the task to pay close attention to the words I use during the day—and was surprised by the results. It took me a couple of tries not to judge myself.

It started out with simple things. For example, I walked out the door and was almost to the car when I realized that I had forgotten my phone. I had to go back inside to get it and while walking back I noticed the conversation I was having with myself.

“Why are you always forgetting something? You must be a real idiot to forget such simple things.”

All this negative self-talk going on inside my head just because I forgot my phone. “Really?” I had to stop and ask, “Is it necessary to be so harsh with myself?”

Another moment of self-observation was while doing homework with the kids.

Coordinating homework for three kids is not my strong suit. As a kid, I always found doing my own homework hard because I never understood the purpose of it! So I find it a challenge to get my children motivated.

After a snack and something to drink . . . homework!

The requirement that homework has to be completed the next day makes it a lot easier. (It’s always better to finish everything and not leave things to the last moment!)

But after a while, I start to get annoyed. They are tired and want to play, and I end up forcing them to finish their homework by any means possible. Then the internal dialogue starts and I’m questioning my abilities as a mum.

“Am I too hard on them? The things I say are not always the nicest, which comes from forcing something on them.”

“Am I a good mum for putting them in this school? This is our life at the moment and there isn’t much choice of schooling.”

While I’m having this conversation in my head, as soon as the kids are finished with their work, they’re off and playing. They’re all smiles and we’re laughing together again and all seems forgotten.

I needed to start using different words with myself so I didn’t feel so beaten and bruised.

And I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this type of negative self-talk.

This is something that you are doing to you. No one else is judging you this way, so why are you judging yourself so harshly?

And more importantly, how do you change your internal communication?

As the Nike commercial says, “Just do it!”

Here’s an exercise to get you started:

Notice every time something nasty or self-destructive turns up in your thoughts about yourself, and replace it with a positive thought. It can be a word or phrase you come up with, or it can be something from a book.

Notice that the more you practice this exercise, the better you are at getting your emotions under control and not being so critical of yourself.

I can tell you from experience that it is not easy, but it is doable.

It not only helps you feel better about yourself, but it impacts those around you in a positive way. And if you stumble and fall, get up and start again!



Renée Vos de Wael (PCC) is an open-hearted and full-energy personality. She is a coach, educator, group facilitator, walker, traveler, wife, mother, and student. Being a globetrotter for over 10 years has given her an open mind and flexible attitude towards life. She is an intuitive who sees the beauty and light in people, even before they have noticed it themselves. Renee loves the idea that we can reinvent ourselves whenever we need—or want to. Working with and for people has been her passion. The different cultures where Renee has lived has taught her to view life from different angles, and engage in a life filled with challenges and opportunities.

A member of both the International Coaching Academy and International Coach Federation, Renee’s background is mixed in various spiritual philosophies. She has studied with many teachers, including Sonia Choquette, and is a trained Six Sensory™ Level 2 Practitioner.

You can read Renee’s blog at

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