…that if you’re doing something for someone else’s
approval, you may as well not do it at all.
There is only one reason to do anything: to announce
and declare, express and fulfill, become and
experience Who You Really Are.
Do what you do, therefore, for the sheer joy of it,
for sheer joy is who you are. Do what you choose,
not what someone else chooses for you.
Do you change how you act when you are around others in order to receive their approval?
Believe it or not, your changing Who you are is one of the things that you are doing that is literally weighing you down. Think of those thoughts as weight-magnets.
This is because they generate negative, catabolic emotions that are impacting your body down to the cellular level. This catabolic energy triggers the release of the stress hormone cortisol, adrenaline, and other chemicals that over time impacts your metabolism and other weight-related systems making it easier to gain and harder to release weight.
Pleasing your parents, teachers, friends, bosses, etc., etc., to get their approval led you away from your authentic self—and actually led them to believe that other people had to change to make them happy. It truly served no one.
One of the things that I work with my clients to do is to show up authentically—regardless of the people or situation.
Showing up authentically doesn’t mean that you spew your opinions or are challenging to others if you have differences.
Truly, it’s just the opposite.
The authentic you is loving and accepting. The authentic you sees your value—and the value in each person and situation. The authentic you knows that there are no mistakes and that the diversity of people and opinions is what makes the world go round. The authentic you knows that being true to Who you are will be a gift to others—even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment.
But if I you are acting out of anger, frustration, fear, judgment, or condemnation, you’re not being authentically you, and that is when it’s best to keep quiet.
You may think that it’s the other person who needs to change so that you can get along or get the approval you want, but—this may be hard to hear—you are contributing just as much to the difficult dynamics.
The only person you can control is you.
The onus is on you to stay connected to your Higher Self and to pay attention if you are coming from a place of love or a place of anger, a place of appreciation or a place of fear, if you are being authentically you, or if you are seeking the other person’s approval.
But how do you stay authentically you?
One way to maintain your connection to your Higher Self in relationships—particularly if you have a history of pushing each other’s buttons—is to actively focus on all the good qualities of the other person BEFORE you see them. You literally practice seeing them in the best light. Create a list of all the things about the other person that you appreciate, and read and add to it every day.
You can also practice a visualization where you see yourself bathed in a golden light that feels like joy and love, and then to expand that light to include other people. First, extend the light to the people you love and get along with easily. As the light grows brighter and more powerful, you can then more easily expand it to include more challenging people or people you feel the need to please. Keep expanding it until you eventually encircle the world.
By practicing appreciation you show up differently. Your expectations are a little different and you may not be so quick to judge, take offense, or alter your behavior.
Choose now how you want to show up during your next encounter with a particular person, and practice shifting your thoughts about them. Practicing your appreciation now makes it easier to show up authentically later.
If you find yourself sliding into old patterns, take a few deep breaths, or literally remove yourself from the situation. Go to the bathroom, or step out onto the porch. If you need to, go for a walk around the block. Do what you can to reconnect and find some relief.
And if you do react in a less than positive way, the primary thing to do is forgive yourself. You don’t have to be perfect. Pick yourself up and keep practicing being the best possible version of you so you show up differently the next time.
Together we can do it!