Dang That’s Judgmental


One of the things I love about stepping outside my comfort zone is that my shadow side may show up. That’s the part of me that is insecure, defensive, judgmental—you get the idea. It’s an amazing opportunity to practice showing up as authentically me—regardless of the people or situation.

The authentic me is loving and accepting. The authentic me sees my value—and the value in each person and situation. The authentic me knows that there are no mistakes and that the diversity of people and opinions is what makes the world go round. The authentic me knows that speaking my truth with ease and grace will be a gift to others, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment.

If I am acting out of anger, frustration, defensiveness, fear, judgment, or condemnation, I’m not being authentically me—and I have the opportunity to make a difference choice.

The onus is on me to stay connected to my Higher Self (God, All-That-Is, Universe, Source—whatever works for you) and to pay attention if I am coming from a place of love or a place of anger, a place of appreciation or a place of fear.

One way for you to stay authentic and maintain your connection to your Higher Self in relationships—particularly if you have a history of pushing each other’s buttons—is to actively focus on all the good qualities of the other person. To literally practice seeing them in the best light.

There are a couple of ways to do this.

Create a list of all the things about the other person that you appreciate, and read and add to it every day.

Practice a visualization. See yourself bathed in a golden light that feels like joy and love, and then expand that light to include other people. First extend the light to the people you love and get along with easily. As the light grows brighter and more powerful, expand it to include more challenging people.

You may think that it’s the other person who needs to change so that you all can get along, but you are contributing just as much to the difficult dynamics. It’s up to you to show up differently.

The only person you can control is you. Choose now how you want to show up.  Practice showing up authentically.

And if you do react in a less than ideal way—as I guarantee that you sometimes will—the primary thing to do is forgive yourself. You don’t have to be perfect. Just pick yourself up and keep practicing being the best possible version of you so you show up more authentically the next time.

Together we can do it!

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16 thoughts on “Dang That’s Judgmental

  1. Beautifully put! These techniques are wonderful, and I’ve found great benefit from similar practices in my own life. Thank you for reminding me to show up differently in a couple of difficult relationships! I’m excited to try this ~Suzy

  2. I know that at the booksigning Sunday, I entered that bookstore in a place of fear and negativity and even a little anger, and it showed – until I took a deep breath and let all that go, the things that were bothering me. You picked up my “negative vibes” right off the bat – and others would have too had I not remembered why I was really there and the positive things. Then, later, when I began to beat myself for feeling those negative feelings (what a vicious circle *laugh*) I let that go, too.

    Wonderful post as always.

  3. First, *thank you* for the “follow” at my blog. I’m glad we somehow got together, as I subscribed to your blog. This advice about listing the other person’s good qualities is wonderful! And choosing how I want to show up…an incredibly freeing idea! Many thanks:)

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